What do I want out of life? I don't know. Is that bad?
Maybe that's the wrong statement to begin with. Maybe I should say "Warning: this is a contemplative entry that may or may not make sense. But for those who feel like they're stuck, maybe it would be completely understandable.
What am I thinking about? What do I want?
I want God's thinking. And to do the things that will make him smile. Even laugh, y'know.
I want to see beauty.
I imagine sometime in my life being able to look out of my window and seeing snow capped mountains, a crystal clear lake, and a rolling green hillside. The day would begin, the freshest of the fresh, and I would just drink it all in.
I want to run out to the middle of nowhere at night with just God and the stars, and feel the cool grass between my toes, and be comfortable kneeling in the grass before the dome of the most-high. Maybe even lying flat on my back and just reflecting on God' s greatness and creativity and vastness.
It would be lovely to paint unashamedly without concern. Just paint and feel relaxed without the pressure of something being behind it. And just worship with it.
Or maybe it would be nice to go sip tea or picnic with a friend on a beach and watch the waves go in and out all day.
*sigh*
I don't know.
*sigh*
I know the feeling. I just said a prayer that you will feel God's guidance and see His way ahead. It's all I can do. I'm 56 and there are still times, although fewer of them, when I have to stop and pray that God shows me His way for me.
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