Dancing in the Rain

I confess. I have a huge fascination with dancing in the rain. When it's pouring down so hard that nothing can be seen even an arms length away, this is like the perfect weather to just be a child again. Barefoot. Splashing around in the puddles. Laughing. Undignified, sure. So? It's just lovely. But because of my "adultness" at the age of 26 , it would be looked down upon and so I generally run to seek shelter with the rest of them.

I remember having a job interview at Legacy Village a few years ago. I was dressed neatly and professionally. My hair was perfectly in place. The little make-up that I wear was applied with perfection. Resume in hand and confidence in place I walked into my interview with a smile. When I finished, I felt so good that I wanted to walk around and try to look for other places to submit my resume. I noticed the rain clouds in the sky but I figured that since it held off this long I would probably be fine. And my umbrella was in the car so...I started walking. Of course, the moment I was the farthest away from my car, it started to pour. Bucket loads people! I initially started to freak out. I was getting soaked! My resumes were getting soaked! My hair! I started to run back to where my car was parked but I had these cute little sandals on that were hard to run with in good weather and with it raining so much I started slipping around in them. Finally I stopped running and just stood there sighing. And then it hit me. Who cares? I love rain! Laughing like a mad women, I pulled of my shoes and just started walking...slowly. As I passed various stores I saw people huddled in doorways or behind windows, looking at this crazy barefooted woman walking through the parking lot without a care in the world. If you've been to Legacy before, you know the sort of "people" I'm talking about...looking down their nose at you. I didn't care. I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I enjoyed every moment of it and still look back on it as being one of the most freeing experiences of my life. Yeah, my plans were ruined. My resumes were ruined. My shoes were ruined. And I looked like a horrible mess, but it was great! God's awesome like that.

When I think about the storms of life that come up, I wonder if instead of running to seek shelter or hiding, if perhaps I should just stay and dance in the rain. Yeah, I know it's cold. Yeah I know it'll completely drench whatever I'm wearing and probably ruin whatever items I have with me, but so? God tells us to take joy in our trials. That doesn't mean they'll be easy but I think our perspective will change.

With the things that have been keeping me down lately, I started doing some thinking...

I know it sucks, but is there any way that I can enjoy this time in my life? Yeah, I wish things would have worked out in the way I had hoped they would. First, with me going back to New Zealand. Second with me finding an amazing job that I could put my whole heart into AND pay the bills. Finally, meeting that special someone that just is like the icing on the cake of life. That person to do life with. Any one of those things by themselves would have been sweet at anytime. All of those desires and hopes have had opportunities come up and then crash to the ground within the last year. Some more than once.

But as I'm finding it difficult in being disappointed so regularly, is there even a small possibility that I can get some joy out of this chaos? My life isn't lacking excitement. I say it's dull and boring, but that's really just a lie. I'm not comfortable. I defiantly have a lot of unknowns and mysteries to keep it interesting. What about the idea of continually trusting God with my life? How does that actually work? Isn't it crazy that there is such an inward struggle every second of every day? It's like tug of war with God. I give it to God, I want to take it back and this is repeated so often that I don't even realize when I take it back until it trips me up once again.

The battle of Good verses Evil. How is that not exciting? Every good story has this and it so clearly covers my life. And with every good story, there are those extremely hard times that we face where a decision needs to be made to give up or push through the hardship. If there were a narrator in the background of my life right now they would be saying "and with all of this, when Cara feels she can no longer go on, will she give up, or will she overcome?

Maybe I'm going crazy because the stress has gotten to me or something, and this is a very likely scenario, but I find it kind of funny. I know how good God is. Why do I try to force my way and think I know best when clearly I can't see all of eternity. I can't even tell you what will happen 5 minutes from now. So, through this struggle, I have to look at it from another perspective I guess.

And learn to dance in the rain.