These two songs have been speaking to me a lot right now. The combo of where I'm at in my life right now, my emotions about things, the monotony of my life right now, this amazing life group I'm in that makes me think, my job, church problems, the desire to do my art, the desire to return to New Zealand, my family, friends, winter, summer, everything...
And with all the STUFF going on in my life, I realize that I just really desire God. Only God. I may have all these things I want or need or whatever, but I miss God. I miss talking to him but also listening for what he's telling me. I do talk to him, but not like I did a few months ago. Did I leave God in NZ? Of course not, but sometimes it feels that way. These songs just really reflect my heart and what I long for.
_______
"Pieces" by RED
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
______
"Carried Away" by Sonicflood
You are the open door to freedom
You are the only hope I have
The reason in my reason
The only thing that lasts
How could I begin to settle
When all within me longs
To step into the shelter
Of your everlasting arms
I wanna get carried away
I wanna be tossed by your waves
I don't care where or how deep
I'm gonna jump in with both feet
I wanna get carried away
I wanna get lost in your waves
I wanna be held by your truth
I wanna behold all of you
I'm gonna be all yours today
I wanna get carried away
Some say You're far away
But I know You're here with me
I could go anywhere
And still you'd be there with me
I know You're with me
Friday, July 25, 2008
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Whispers
Can't sleep. Woke up and I just needed a break from sleeping. Long story but every so often I get restless, especially if I have things on my mind.
I went to the young adults group at my brothers church on Thursday - the 4:12. It was open mic, a BBQ, dancing, a skit, fellowship, and like a mini sermon, but it was a powerful one. I didn't take the adequate time I needed to think about the implications that the sermon had on my life.
The pastor talked about hunger. Physical hunger like when you crave chocolate or normal food. You need sustenance, so you eat. You start to feel light headed and your stomach growls, and you know it's probably time to eat. So you do. Or even just a specific kind of food that you may see on tv or see someone else with and you're like "I want that!" His example of some food he was craving was some fried chicken, but not just any fried chicken, but from a specific place from where he grew up. Haha. But then he talked about spiritual hunger. A hunger that you don't always know what it is right away, but you seek to fill it. Like, if you feel lonely. Or something like that. The pastor went on to say that a lot of us get caught this way.
He talked about how sometimes God allows Satan to tempt us to make us stronger and to test our faith (It makes me think of Job in the Bible). But Satan won't just waste this opportunity, no. He works to create a hunger in us, then offers a solution that looks like it would be good, but we find out otherwise. For example, you might be sitting there one night. No one's called you all day. No emails from friends. No text messages, nothing and Satan whispers in your ear "psssst. Don't you wish someone would call you today? Don't you feel lonely? pssst! Don't you wish you were engaged like so in so? (Women fall for this a lot) Don't you wish you had somebody who loved you? You want a relationship. You need a relationship!" The pastor even gave the example of sexual impurity for people. And thus the hunger is created. But it doesn't stop there. Then Satan offers a solution that looks good but it's sin. People will get in bad relationships for the sake of relationships. Instead of being patient with who God has and will settle for something less and go farther in a relationship then they mean to and it results in sin -- all the while thinking that this will satisfy that hunger and find out it doesn't. Another example is you're broke. Bills to pay and no money to pay. And Satan will whisper "pssst. Pssst! Don't you wish you could have money? Don't you wish you had that car? Don't you wish you had that house? Don't you wish you had those new clothes? You want that stuff. You need more stuff" And then he offers the solution to go spend money that you don't have...credit cards and rent money and buy those material things that he says you need and you stop trusting God and get into a lot of trouble and sin.
The pastor said that we get tempted then fall because we're not spiritually full--meaning fully satisfied in Christ and trusting him for our needs. He says that when you have just ate you full at dinner and then watch tv and see an add for some really good food, it doesn't matter to you. You're not hungry. You don't even want to look at food because you're physically full. The same with spiritual fullness. When we're spiritually full and Satan tries to whisper in your ear that you're lonely or weary of staying pure, or wish you had more stuff, you won't even want to hear it because you know God satisfies you like nothing else can or ever will. It's the times when we skip our devos and skip praying, and/or kinda back up from God - and it may even be a subtle thing - that when we're tempted we give in to that temptation. Satan even did this with Jesus when he was fasting in the wilderness 40 days and nights, figuring that he had Jesus alone. "Pssst. Turn that rock into bread to satisfy your hunger!" etc. - except Satan didn't realize that Jesus, while he was fasting in the wilderness, was using all that time to get filled up on God, so when Satan tempted him, Jesus wasn't even trying to hear it and was able to fight off that temptation because of this.
There is so much more I can go into this and I'm not even sure I've explained it well enough but it touched my life. Like, sometimes I would wonder why all of a sudden I would feel a certain way about something even though before it didn't bother me. It wasn't even a want yesterday and now all of a sudden I feel like I need this or that. The hunger is created and when I'm dissatisfied with God and holding him at arms length...or when I'm upset with God I tend to seek fulfillment somewhere else with worldly things that will never satisfy. And then I wonder what happened and how I got so far from God.
Food for thought.
Now, I must try to get some sleep again.
I went to the young adults group at my brothers church on Thursday - the 4:12. It was open mic, a BBQ, dancing, a skit, fellowship, and like a mini sermon, but it was a powerful one. I didn't take the adequate time I needed to think about the implications that the sermon had on my life.
The pastor talked about hunger. Physical hunger like when you crave chocolate or normal food. You need sustenance, so you eat. You start to feel light headed and your stomach growls, and you know it's probably time to eat. So you do. Or even just a specific kind of food that you may see on tv or see someone else with and you're like "I want that!" His example of some food he was craving was some fried chicken, but not just any fried chicken, but from a specific place from where he grew up. Haha. But then he talked about spiritual hunger. A hunger that you don't always know what it is right away, but you seek to fill it. Like, if you feel lonely. Or something like that. The pastor went on to say that a lot of us get caught this way.
He talked about how sometimes God allows Satan to tempt us to make us stronger and to test our faith (It makes me think of Job in the Bible). But Satan won't just waste this opportunity, no. He works to create a hunger in us, then offers a solution that looks like it would be good, but we find out otherwise. For example, you might be sitting there one night. No one's called you all day. No emails from friends. No text messages, nothing and Satan whispers in your ear "psssst. Don't you wish someone would call you today? Don't you feel lonely? pssst! Don't you wish you were engaged like so in so? (Women fall for this a lot) Don't you wish you had somebody who loved you? You want a relationship. You need a relationship!" The pastor even gave the example of sexual impurity for people. And thus the hunger is created. But it doesn't stop there. Then Satan offers a solution that looks good but it's sin. People will get in bad relationships for the sake of relationships. Instead of being patient with who God has and will settle for something less and go farther in a relationship then they mean to and it results in sin -- all the while thinking that this will satisfy that hunger and find out it doesn't. Another example is you're broke. Bills to pay and no money to pay. And Satan will whisper "pssst. Pssst! Don't you wish you could have money? Don't you wish you had that car? Don't you wish you had that house? Don't you wish you had those new clothes? You want that stuff. You need more stuff" And then he offers the solution to go spend money that you don't have...credit cards and rent money and buy those material things that he says you need and you stop trusting God and get into a lot of trouble and sin.
The pastor said that we get tempted then fall because we're not spiritually full--meaning fully satisfied in Christ and trusting him for our needs. He says that when you have just ate you full at dinner and then watch tv and see an add for some really good food, it doesn't matter to you. You're not hungry. You don't even want to look at food because you're physically full. The same with spiritual fullness. When we're spiritually full and Satan tries to whisper in your ear that you're lonely or weary of staying pure, or wish you had more stuff, you won't even want to hear it because you know God satisfies you like nothing else can or ever will. It's the times when we skip our devos and skip praying, and/or kinda back up from God - and it may even be a subtle thing - that when we're tempted we give in to that temptation. Satan even did this with Jesus when he was fasting in the wilderness 40 days and nights, figuring that he had Jesus alone. "Pssst. Turn that rock into bread to satisfy your hunger!" etc. - except Satan didn't realize that Jesus, while he was fasting in the wilderness, was using all that time to get filled up on God, so when Satan tempted him, Jesus wasn't even trying to hear it and was able to fight off that temptation because of this.
There is so much more I can go into this and I'm not even sure I've explained it well enough but it touched my life. Like, sometimes I would wonder why all of a sudden I would feel a certain way about something even though before it didn't bother me. It wasn't even a want yesterday and now all of a sudden I feel like I need this or that. The hunger is created and when I'm dissatisfied with God and holding him at arms length...or when I'm upset with God I tend to seek fulfillment somewhere else with worldly things that will never satisfy. And then I wonder what happened and how I got so far from God.
Food for thought.
Now, I must try to get some sleep again.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
A Job?
SO, I have a job now. I start on Monday. It's working at a Framing and Design Shop so that should be fun. It's related to art and I get a huge discount and possible venue to sell my artwork in Michigan and Ohio. The only stink thing is that it doesn't pay nearly enough. We're talking almost minimum wage for a full time job. Huh? So, i need to find another job as well. I have bills to pay and a trip to NZ to save up for. But I am happy to at least have a job after two months of nothing. Praise God!
www.framesunlimited.com
www.framesunlimited.com
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