Friends forever ...lost

I was reading another person's blog and they were talking about how they were struggling with the fact that the friends who they thought would last forever are no longer there and it got me thinking....

Friendships are a weird phenomenon. Seriously. I realize that we, as humans, were born to be relational. I always hoped that those relationships would last forever for the most part. But think about it, if we remained friends with everyone we've ever befriended in life, there would be heaps of people!! You can't really have close friendships with everyone. And as things change in life, so do friends.

It's weird but I think that many friendships are not meant to last forever. As we all move on to different things and experiences in life, new friends come and old ones go. There are a few deep friendships that may withstand the test of time, but very few. It's a sad fact that I've been realizing recently. Why must we make great friendships that will only last or a year? Or a few years? And when I think about the people I knew in high school...I don't talk to many of them really. Then there were friends in college, broken down by each semester and each experience and already, just 3 years after graduating, I don't talk to most of them except through facebook on occasion, but it's not really the same. Even with my closer friends from college whom I still see at least once a year, there has been a change in the depth of the relationships. We all used to be very close, but honestly, moving in different directions and doing different things in life have drawn many of us away from the close relationship that we once shared. And to top it really, I think about the people I know all over the world. South Korea, New Zealand, China, UK, Australia, Canada, Brazil, South Africa, Kenya, etc. You can't truly maintain those relations from so far a distance. Not for an extended period of time. There are people from New Zealand that are still fresh in my mind that after being away for just a year I've noticed a relationship change, or lack of contact. It's sucks. But it's life. And the people I know now...who knows where we all will be in a few years. Or even in a year.

It's tragic and hard. But I don't think it's altogether bad. I like meeting new people. If I stayed with the same friends all my life would I ever meet anyone new? And I like meeting people from situations in life that differ from mine. I like how each new person I meet challenges me in some way. Many people who become closer to me, shape how I am and who I am. They introduce me to new ways of thinking and new ways to do things. For example, some of my friends in New Zealand taught me that regular picnics at the park after church could be amazing. I never really went on picnics before. Some of them also taught me that you don't always have to be 'doing something' to have fun... i.e. just hanging around at someone's house randomly and unplanned, and just enjoying being in each other's company.

Know what's really comforting and cool though...

Jesus.

Jesus never goes. Jesus never fades away. Jesus is forever...

I will break into a thought...

I thought these Flyleaf lyrics sum up myself quite well right now.

"I will break into your thoughts with what's written on my heart...
I'm so sick, infected with where I live, let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness.
I will break! Break!!
...
Hear it! I'm screaming it! You're heeding to it now.
Hear it! I'm screaming it! You tremble at the sound.

You sink into my clothes...This invasion makes me feel, worthless, hopeless, sick.
I'm so sick, infected with where I live, let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness. I'm so sick!!!

_______________________________________

Why does life have to be so hard? It's constantly filled with so many obstacles to trusting God and yet I must or it is utterly hopeless. The daily struggle of sin. The constant fight in my head. It's quite overwhelming! Some days I don't have the energy and still other days I have all the strength in the world.

But I won't give up. Just die to self again and try to think more of God and less of myself. It's not really about me anyway.

What up?

It's been a long time since I've written again.



Last week was like my unofficial vacation, first randomly going to Pittsburgh, then my oldest bro being in town and then the holidays...It was amazing, but also tiring.



Now, I'm looking for jobs again...there's been no luck there and I see New Zealand drifting farther and farther away with each week that passes unfruitfully.



*sigh* I just can't really write about anything right now. Back to the job search...