Ages As!

It has been ages as since I've written. 'Ages-as'. I call that my kiwi infused Cara language. Lovely, I know. I thought I'd start out with a lil New Zealand love. But seriously, between surgery, surgery complications, life changes, korea stuff, family emergencies and everything in between, this has been an utterly crazy and easily the hardest year of my life. God had a lot that he wanted to work on with me and boy do I feel it. It's good but oh so difficult.

Alas, I am still in the states trying to find a job in Korea. The whole EPIK thing didn't work out, and that's fine. I'm doing the Hagwon (Private) school) thing instead. I had to push the date back because of things, but now I'm ready to go. I found my sister a job in Korea. Or rather, God used me to find her a job. The directors of the English academy are Christians and the husband is actually a worship leader at an English speaking church there so that's cool. Living in Korea is going to be difficult enough but we need the fellowship with other believers and the encouragement and challenge of God's word spoken each week. Since my Korean is nowhere near fluent it would have to be an English service. One of the thing's we've been praying about is finding an English speaking church in Changwon. God has given us a place to at least start.

Oh wait. Did I mention that we're moving to Changwon? I know before I said that we were trying to live in Daejeon, but clearly God had other plans. My sis is leaving in a couple of weeks to start her new job, and I am still looking and hoping to be there soon. I've applied to a million bazillion recruiters and have only heard back from a few. I have an interview next week even, but this whole process has been rough. I really wanted to apply directly to schools, but apparently that doesn't really exist, or is very unlikely? I don't know. All I can do is take it one step at a time.

That's all for now. More news when I have it.  :)

Accepted!...to the recruiter. ;)

I'm finally writing again! And it's gonna be short.

I don't understand why people go through the whole process to teach English and then once they land, they act like they don't wanna be there. I know about culture shock and I've experienced it many times, especially when moving to New Zealand. I know that Korea is very different than America and other western countries. I get it. I do. It's an adjustment. But seriously, act like you have some sense! Drinking every night during Orientation so that you're hungover during the training, complaining about the food like you didn't realize there would be Korean food in Korea, shocked that everything's written in Korean and you didn't feel the need to even learn how to read the characters before coming over, confused that you have to teach even though you were accepted into Korea with the main purpose being a teacher, etc, etc. I really don't know how some of these people on youtube or in these blogs I read even decided to visit a foreign country. It never ceases to amaze me.

With that said, I've been accepted into a recruiter. It's the first step in a very long process...but I can't help but to be excited.

Anneong Haseyo! 안녕하세요

안녕하세요!

You know what? I think sometimes I forget that I have a blog. ;)

My Korean language study is coming along well. So far I have memorized some key vocabulary, know how to count in sino-korean numbers and some pure korean numbers, know past and present tense, have some basic understanding of particles, know many korean foods and can carry on a short, polite conversation. I can even say "Jesus loves you!" My writing can use some work, but I'm not too concerned about that right now.

I've been learning the language in little bits the past 2 months. Time to step it up. My sis and I will begin our TEFL course in the next week or so as well.

As far as the whole EPIK process goes, I am in stage 1. I have applied to a recruiter. My sister has gotten an email saying that they have receive her app. I have not. I'm trying not to be worried, but...did they get it? I applied 10 mins before my sister did. Should I just assume that they're really busy and will email me eventually, or did they not receive it? If all else fails, when they talk to my sister for an interview, she can ask them.

I have all these worries about Korea, probably because I'm excited about going now. When God first showed me that he wanted me to go there, I was a little reluctant. It's not that I don't like Korea, it's just that I have been trying to go back to New Zealand for the past 4 years. God has never said don't ever go back to NZ, just wait. Now it seems that he was preparing me to go to Korea first. Since the New Year God has really been working on my heart, dispelling my fears and getting me excited about Korea. Now I'm scared that I won't be able to go. Where is my faith?

Any number of endless deterrents keep coming up from the enemy and it really makes me wonder what God has in store for me in Korea. If Satan is working so hard to discourage me and keep me in fear and doubt, there must be something big that God is preparing me for. The enemy is very real and very active. If you knew of all of the things that have been going on since God prompted me to teach in Korea, you would be amazed. The funniest thing about it is that it works like a cycle. If one thing doesn't work, Satan come at me with another. And when that fails he tries another tactic, or goes back to the first tactic. God, in his mercy, has been pointing me to scripture that directly combats each and every one of Satans' lies each day and I am so thankful for that.

Well, I should probably go study some more. I'll leave you with a k-pop video.


Cheers!

2011 in pictures

Because sometimes it's better to review the past year with pictures! Happy New Year!

JANUARY 

WinterJam concert

FEBRUARY

Learned how to Crochet

MARCH

Visited Nephew Alex in S. Carolina

APRIL

Easter Art for Reflections of the Cross

Jesus and the two theives on the cross

MAY

Asian Fesival & a month of goodbyes to many friends from church

JUNE

Urban Garden - and City Fresh

JULY

1 Month in S. Carolina to spend time with Alex and new twin nephews

AUGUST

Watched downtown Cleveland transform into a battle scene for The Avengers movie.

SEPTEMBER

My birthday and picking apples and grapes. We've made some really good jelly and apple pies ;)

OCTOBER

Went to see Group 1 Crew in concert and have a good chat with them.

NOVEMBER

Drove to S. Carolina to spend time with nephews and family again and celebrate Halloween and Daylight Savings ending with them. ;) 

DECEMBER

Saw my girl Beckah Shae in concert and prayed with her with my sis about moving to S. Korea.

The EPIK process

I won't lie. I'm not looking forward to the whole EPIK application process to work in Korea. Background checks, recommendation letters, resumes, transcripts, notarized and apostilled blah blah blah. No to mention applying for Korvia Consulting, and filling out the application, and having various interviews. Oh and did I mention that I'm going to start online courses soon to get TEFL/TESOL certification. I'm also learning Korean on talktomeinkorean.com.

It truly is an EPIC undertaking. The bright side of things is that my sister is going too, so we get to struggle through all this together.

Busy Busy!

Here's a picture of the city that we want to live in: Daejeon

Babies and Travel Plans

Woah! I have not written on this blog in months! Shame on me. As usual it just means that life got too busy.

Here's a quick update and maybe I'll go into detail when I have the time later!

1) Went to visit my nephews again! They are getting so big!!! If you ask Alex how old he is, he says "I'm 4 1/2 and I play soccer." While I was down there with my sister, I got to watch him play soccer. I'll use the word 'play' lightly since he was whining and crying during most of it because he got hit in the head with a ball. Yes, he is a big baby, but he'll grow out of it soon...I hope. Nathan and Quinten, or as I affectionately call them, NaDaddy and Quinni the pooh, are doing well. They're so much bigger and full of energy and giggles. Quinni still has a few struggles because of the scar tissue on his esophagus, but he's doing well. He also has to where a helmet some times to round out his head. It's hard for a baby who was in the NICU for almost a month. NaDaddy loved to jump on his little bouncy seat and has sooooo much hair! He really looks like a porcelain doll of a hobbit! They are all cute!

Alex

NaDaddy

Quinni the Pooh - or Megaman cause of the helmet

2) I also got to spend some time watching my other nephew, Julius and he even spent the night. He lives a lot closer than the others so I tend to see him more often. He's crawling standing, and trying to walk. If only he wasn't so stubborn ;)

Julius a.k.a. JuJu

3) The other big news for me is that I am planning in moving to S. Korea next August. YIKES!!! I'm excited but it is such a big decision. Not so much moving to another country...I've already done that with New Zealand...it's more that Korea is SOOOOO different and involves another language. I'm studying like crazy now to learn all I can before I begin taking the TEFL course. Honestly, I have no idea why anyone would want to go teach English in another country without knowing how to tech, or even some of the language. There are so many people who go over there and by the end our their year they still don' know any Korean or even how to read the characters. Shameful! Why would someone go over to Korea to teach people about English and English culture and not bother to learn anything about Korea. Again, shameful!

I'll get more into everything soon, but I am so excited for the adventure ahead and everything that God is doing in my life right now.

Till next time ;)

Buy some art so I can move to Korea ;) 

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ArtbyCara

Skype and Nephews

I love talking to family on skype, especially my nephews. I can't believe there are 4 of them now!! I've put some pictures below. Aren't they cuties! My little hobbits.

Alex - 4 1/2

Julius - almost 10 months

Nathan - almost 10 weeks

Quentin - almost 10 weeks

I have an art blog too!!!

I've started an art blog!! Mostly so I can do post my art from illustration fridays and The Sketchbook Project. Great motivation! Check it out below.

Cara A. Gabriel, Artist: Illustration Friday - Obsession: "Lately I've had trouble feeling motivated to do art. Today I heard about this cool website called Illustration Friday (IF). Basically they g..."

The Babies. The Babies. The Babies.

The twins were born June 10th! Two new hobbit additions to the family ;) I am now the proud aunt of two amazing little boys...Nathan and Quentin. That brings my nephew total up to 4! Although I wonder if nieces will ever be in the picture, I love my little nephies and can't wait to meet the two newest members of the family.

Nathan / Quentin

Nathan Michael was born at 5:21pm 5 lbs10 oz, Quinten Avery was born at 5:23pm 4lbs 7oz. Quentin is still in the NICU, and had surgery so that his breathing tube and eating tube were corrected, but he is doing very well and will most likely be out of the hospital in 2 days :). It's amazing how quickly babies heal and adapt!

I'm flying down to S. Carolina again to see them and help out during the month of July. I'm super excited!!! I'm glad that my bro and sis trust me again to help take care of their kids!

That's all for now.

T-4 days till I leave.

Meditation

Today was the first day of beginning the study of the 12 spiritual disciplines with my amazing women's group. Scary! And awesome! Love it! This week I'm focusing on meditation of scripture and reading Job 38-41. I'm learning about my own insignificance compared to God, and yet he loves us so much and conquered sin for us through Jesus' death and resurrection. It's crazy! My journal is going to be filled in no time. ;)

And then afterwards I had to listen to this song because it reminds me of how I feel today. Check it out!

Heartbroken

I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes the sin of the world is just so overwhelming...

I've been following an organization called Women at Risk International who try to rescue women and children from the sex trade industry all over the world. They help the women in so many ways, including counseling, bringing them to a safe house, and training them various trades so they can make a living, and reaching out with the gospel of Christ. The stuff that these women and children are going through all over the world is appalling, and disgusting, and heart-shattering. The fact that people are so eager to sleep with prostitutes and abuse children and treat them in such a horrendous way is overwhelming to me. The fact that some many people are kidnapped and used at big sporting events including the Superbowl is crazy. And the fact that there are so many sex slave trading strongholds even in America is horrific.

Well, anyway, today at the Women at Risk facebook page, they posted this article about the devastating truth behind the porn industry, siting a webpage of a former porn actress, Shelley Lubben, who has since come to know Christ, gone through massive counseling and had help in dealing with the trauma of the sex industry. Since 2002 she has been reaching out to others in the porn industry and people who struggle with porn-addiction, showing them the true effects of the industry and sharing Christ with them. Here website and the stats below can be found here: http://www.shelleylubben.com/

Porn Industry Statistics ( www.shelleylubben.com/)

36 porn stars died that we know of from HIV, suicide, homicide and drugs between 2007 and 2010.

66% of porn performers have Herpes, a non-curable disease.

2,396 cases of Chlamydia and 1,389 cases of Gonorrhea reported among performers since 2004.

Over 100 straight and gay performers died from AIDS.

26 cases of HIV reported by Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM), since 2004.

70% of sexually transmitted infections in the porn industry occur in females according to County of Los Angeles Public Health.

Chlamydia and Gonorrhea among performers is 10x greater than that of LA County 20-24 year olds.

The largest group viewing online pornography is ages 12 to 17.

More than 11 million teens regularly view porn online.

There are 4.2 million pornographic websites, 420 million pornographic web pages, and 68 million daily search engine requests.

50% of men and 20% of women in the church regularly view porn.

Of 1351 pastors surveyed, 54% had viewed Internet pornography within the last year.

Of all known child abuse domains, 48 percent are housed in the United States.

At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a gathering of the nation’s divorce lawyers, attendees revealed that 58% of their divorces were a result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.

Child pornography is one of the fastest growing businesses online, and the content is becoming much worse. In 2008, Internet Watch Foundation found 1,536 individual child abuse domains.

Worldwide pornography revenue in 2006 was $97.06 billion. Of that, approximately $13 billion was in the United States.

It breaks my heart. Sin is so ugly and dark and sometimes I think we forget that Satan is working hard to destroy lives... I am so thankful to God who is so much more powerful and loving and is bringing people to him everyday and breaking the chains of bondage to this sin.

If you or someone you know struggles with porn addiction or sex addiction, a good resource to check out is Setting Captives Free (http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/).

Drifting Away

I was listening to this song today called "Drifting Away" by Tal & Acacia. I hadn't listened to their music in awhile, but God brought the song to mind today.

And it got me thinking...

Why is it so easy for us to drift away from God? Things go well and we forget him? Things fall apart and we forget him? Why do we try to fix the problem ourselves and think we don't need God? Or if things are going well, why do we take all of the credit for ourselves? That's crazy!

I don't want to be that way. I know it's because of our sinful nature, but I don't want to be that way. I don't want to play the 'Christian' game that so many of us are playing where we pretend all is well at church and yet spend our time getting drunk, or swearing up a storm, or lying, or sleeping around, or living in habitual sin, etc, and not caring. We all struggle with sin, but do we care? Do we really understand the bondage we're in and our search for something to satisfy? Do we realize that satisfaction can only be found in Christ?

I don't want to drift away from God just because I can't be bothered to think of him and all he has done for me. I mean, seriously, how can we forget God? He created this world that we spend all of our time in. He created out bodies, our minds, our skills, everything. It's like we wake up each morning and willfully forget God. Then later, we lay down to sleep and realize that we haven't even thought of God today and vow to do better tomorrow. As each day goes by like this, we begin to forget to even feel bad about it. And we drift away, into our own thoughts, actions and abilities, and life, thinking we have it all together. That is, until something comes along to knock us down. Thank God he cares enough to knock us down. He cares enough to get our attention so we will turn back to him and realize that life isn't really about this life.

I don't pretend that I am perfect, for I am very much not, and I don't pretend to have it all figured out. What I do know is that we HAVE to spend time in relationship with God. Not for homework, or a checklist of 'good Christianity' but because we NEED God. There are so many lies thrown around out there in the world. How are we going to seperate the truth from the lies? How is God going to transform our lives and make us more like him? How are we going to live in freedom and be that bright beacon of light in a dark world for others?

Food for thought...


"His love is the thing that made it begin for the first time.
And his love set it right to keep us goin' on.
But we keep drifting away,from the love that makes life.
We keep drifting away from his side."

You know what? I've been lazy in blogging for sometime now. Usually I post a song, or video or excerpt from a book instead of writing much about myself and what's going on. What's the deal? I have heaps of time on my hands, I just use it doing something else.

That's gotta change.

Let's start with this.

I am a writer. I love writing music, short stories, and short film. As of late, I haven't done much except for writing music. While that's pretty good, I need to do more. Just recently, I've found a few friends who also share this interest in writing. We need to encourage and challenge each other. Hmm.

I like to learn new things. The past few weeks I've been learning to crochet. It's fun. My first project was to make a scarf. It turned out well. Now I'm working with a difficult yarn and making a baby blanket for one of my twin nephews who's on the way while my sis makes one for the other one. It's slow going, but not AS slow as I thought. ;)

That's good for today. Sweet and short. Cheers!

Hold Every Thought Captive

...Your heart is a fertile greenhouse ready to produce good fruit. Your mind is the doorway to your heart—the strategic place where you determine which seeds are sown and which seeds are discarded. The Holy Spirit is ready to help you manage and filter the thoughts that try to enter. He can help you guard you heart. He stands with you on the threshold. A thought approaches, a questionable thought. Do you throw open the door and let it enter? Of course not. You 'fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ' (2 Cor. 10:5, Phillips).
You don’t leave the door unguarded. You stand equipped with handcuffs and leg irons, ready to capture any thought not fit to enter. For the sake of discussion, let's say a thought regarding your personal value approaches. With all the cockiness of a neighborhood bully, the thought swaggers up to the door and says, 'You're a loser. All your life you've been a loser. You've blown relationships and jobs and ambitions. You might as well write the word bum on your resume, for that is what you are.'

The ordinary person would throw open the door and let the thought in. Like a seed from a weed, it would find fertile soil and take root and bear thorns of inferiority. The average person would say, 'You're right, I'm a bum. Come on in.' But as a Christian, you aren't your average person. You are led by the Spirit. So rather than let the thought in, you take it captive. You handcuff it and march it down the street to the courthouse where you present the thought before the judgment seat of Christ. 'Jesus, this thought says I’m a bum and a loser and that I’ll never amount to
anything. What do you think?' See what you are doing? You are submitting the thought to the authority of Jesus. If Jesus agrees with the thought, then let it in. If not, kick it out. In this case Jesus disagrees.

How do you know if Jesus agrees or disagrees? You open your Bible. What does God think about you? Eph. 2:10 is a good place to check: 'For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do' (NIV). Or how about Romans 8:1: 'There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus' (NIV)? Obviously any thought that says you are inferior or insignificant does not pass the test - and does not gain entrance. You have the right to give the bully a firm kick in the pants and watch him run.

Let’s take another example. The first thought was a bully; this next thought is a groupie. She comes not to tell you how bad you are but how good you are. She rushes to the doorway and gushes, 'You are so good. You are so wonderful. The world is so lucky to have you,' and on and on the groupie grovels. Typically this is the type of thought you’d welcome. But you don’t do things the typical way. You guard your heart. You walk in the Spirit. And you take every thought captive. So once again you go to Jesus. You submit this thought to the authority of Christ. As you unsheathe the sword of the Spirit, his Word, you learn that pride doesn’t please God. 'Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance' (Rom. 12:3, Phillips). 'The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging' (Gal. 6:14). As much as you’d like to welcome this thought of conceit into the greenhouse, you can’t. You only allow what Christ allows.

One more example. This time the thought is not one of criticism or flattery but one of temptation. If you’re a man, the thought is dressed in flashy red. If you’re a female, the thought is the hunk you’ve always wanted. There is the brush of the hand, the fragrance in the air, and invitation. 'Come on, it’s all right. We’re consenting adults.' What do you do? Well, if you aren’t under the authority of Christ, you throw open the door. But if you have the mind of Christ, you step back and say, 'Not so fast. You’ll have to get permission from big brother.' So you take this steamy act before Jesus and ask, 'Yes or no?' Nowhere does he answer more clearly than in I Corinthians 6 and 7: 'we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever.... Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly--but only with a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them' (6:18; 7:1-2, MSG). Now armed with opinion of Christ and the sword of the Spirit, what do you do? Well, if the tempter is not your spouse, close the door. If the invitation is from your spouse, then HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA.

The point is this. Guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop."

— from Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado, Word Publishing 1998, pp. 177-182

We Will Run

This song speaks volumes to my heart. It is exactly how I feel right now, with so much bad in this world and so much pain and suffering...and rejection of God. And my own hesitant heart that can't seem to care enough for God. Rebellious. Selfish. Unloving. Oh, God. Bring us back to you.




We will run - Gungor

Create in me a clean heart
For I have turned my face from You
Save us from our ways oh God, oh God
For we have turned away from You
Lord have mercy

We will run to you, we will run to you
Turning from our sin we return to You
Father heal your world, make all things new
Make all things new

Your love and mercy build us shape us
Break and then recreate us now
Lord have mercy

We will run to you, we will run to you
Turning from our sin we return to You
Father heal your world, make all things new
Make all things new

Oh, bring us back to you

2010 and 2011 - wouldn't you like to know

Oh, ah, I guess I forgot to do the whole "what I've learned in 2010" and "Goals for 2011" thing. In fact, the Christmas tree and decorations are still up with no end in sight. Oh well. Here it goes:

What I've learned in 2010:

• That forgiveness towards others is an ongoing lesson that I will face often in my life
• When you pray and ask God to grow you, he will, but not in an 'overnight' or 'easy' or 'painless' kind of way.
• That I will never again work for the US Census Bureau
• That my self worth is found in God alone
• That God is fully capable and more than willing to set us free from life-long sin struggles
• That my heart needs to remain open, even when hurt...that some friendships can go deeper than others, but that I should never stop trying to be open and honest with others.
• That I love taking care of kids, especially my nephew
• That music, art, and encouragement are still my strongest spiritual gifts by far and therefore I need to find ways to use them more often
• That seeing friends and bands from New Zealand is an acceptable temporary alternative to not being in New Zealand
• That I need to live by the Spirit and what God's telling me to do
• That exercising regularly is possible
• That God has me where he wants me to be right now
• That being single opens many doors to awesome opportunities like traveling and moving down to S. Carolina for a few months
• That no matter how long I've been looking for a job, God will always provide for what I need. And that my definition of need is sometimes different that God's.
• That selling art is something I no longer want to do. It kills my spirit. I just want to paint and give to whomever is blessed by it.

• That people should really not be concerned with whether or not I'm married right now. I'm enjoying my singleness and I am glad to be free to do what God has me to do

Goals for 2011

• Eat healthier and exercise. Cliche I know, but I'm serious. I'm doing a Bible study course and eating plan that will help me in this area and will help to put the focus on God and not myself. If you want to know more about that, I have another blog entitled Elohim, My Heart's Desire
• Have an International Night every month or every other month to cook food with friends and learn about other cultures
• To hold art nights to paint with whoever is interested
• To travel somewhere this year, if even just to Canada
• To find a job!!!!
• To grow in my trust and love of God
• To care about others and show love to them
• To be content in where I am and what God has given me

So that's what I have thus far. I'm hoping for a great year!

Update in short

Can it really have been so long since I've posted? What have I been doing?

Well, I'm back from South Carolina. It was awesome, but I'm glad to be home too. Found out my bro and sis in law are expecting twins now. Awesome! Send prayers their way! I wonder how my nephew, Alex, will respond when the babies are born?

My other bro and sister in law had their first child on Halloween. Julius! What a cutie.

Then there was Thanksgiving and Christmas and they were a lot of fun. And now it's Monday morning of the last week of 2010 and here I am, preparing to job search again. And that's why I'm writing a blog, as a delay to the disappointment of finding nothing. So, you're all caught up ;)

Cheers!

On facebook, boredom, and being led by God

A funny thing happened earlier this week. I was bored and on FB (not a good combo) and ended up at the FB of a person I knew from college. He is now a pastor and I about jumped out of my chair at the idea. This guy, back in my college days, was not someone who I would've ever thought would become a pastor. Not that he was a horrible sort of person, but just not...likely to become a pastor. So anyway, there was a link to his church page and there I found audio sermons and I had to check it out. He had just recently given his testimony of while he was in college and what happened after so I listened to that one. It was nothing short of amazing. And God did nothing short of convict me and encourage me in just under a 20 min sermon.

There was a lot of stuff that happened in this guys' life and a lot that God had to do to make him realize his dependence on God. He called them the 'wilderness days.' He struggled with pride and living life like he didn't need God. He talked about how God had to bring him to a place of dependence on Him. God closed all of the doors and brought his pride down. God allowed situations in this guys' life that broke him and made him understand just how wrong he had been - running from what God had for him to do. He ended it by talking about how Gods' plans are so much better than our own, even when he takes us through the wilderness and the time of just horribleness or blahness, his plans are still better. We need to let God lead us. And when God's people don't let him lead, he brings them to the desert, to the wilderness until they have no other choice but to let God lead.

His testimony was very touching to me and I realized that I had been judging him and remembering him only in the context of his past, assuming a lot about him. We all struggle with this, I know, but God has really put it on my heart to look at people through his loving eyes. See how much God cares about them. See them as people who struggle too. See that they are on a journey too. And see that God can use anyone. I would hate for people to think of me only for the bad things i've done. People change, mature, encounter God, etc. We can't hold their past against them. We can't hold their present against them. This testimony of a guy I knew in college was another example of how we think we know people but we don't. And I realized how much pride I had. Praise God for revealing the truth and readily forgiving.

But God didn't just stop there.

I've been going through a hard time of not knowing what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to be. Not being able to find a full-time job and being frustrated that I'm 27 and living at home again. I'm frustrated about not being able to go to New Zealand to live again, or even to visit. I'm frustrated about a lot of things. It seems that every move I have tried to make had been thwarted. Everything I have done to try to lead myself has failed. I know I'm in the wilderness and have been for some time. I know that God is working on me, drawing me closer and closer to him. This guys' testimony was exactly what God wanted me to hear and to know. God wants me to follow him. To let him take the lead of my life. God is always working in my life. Sometimes I'm kicking and screaming into what he wants to do. And sometimes I follow willingly. He has been disciplining me and making me depend on him; strengthening me, and just recently freeing me from some ugly sin that was controlling my life. Looking back on a lot of things, I see Gods' strong hand and heart in them and I see that the doors that God closed were for my own good and that the struggles I had were there to draw me closer to him. And I see how better it is now that he's taken me where I have been. It's still a struggle to let him lead, but God's working on me. I feel encouraged though. I am where I'm supposed to be. My situation is what God has me in right now. I remember the guy in the testimony saying that God's path is better no matter what it looks like. Sometimes it's a easy path filled with lots of joy and other times it's a very difficult path full of much sorrow. But the comfort is in knowing that God is leading us, and actually following him. One of the best illustrations from the testimony is that 'sometimes God lights one step at a time before us because if we saw what was over the edge we would pass out or be too scared to go on.' It just really encouraged me. There was so much more to the sermon, but that's how God spoke to me.

So, yeah, I need to let God lead me and be willing to follow him onto whatever path.

On travel and returning home...

Deep inside of myself, I'm finding that I want to live somewhere else. Not Ohio. Not South Carolina though it has been good to be here the past few months taking care of my nephew and hanging out with my bro and sis in law. But I want to GO somewhere. Have an adventure. Move to another place again and try life there. See how other Christians are worshipping God. See what use I could be there.

Here's what happened...or shall I say 'usually happens.'

I'm randomly doing something online or talking to someone or reading a book and then BAM the feeling ignites. This time around I found myself looking at different blogs of people that I don't know. Way too much time on my hands, I know. On blogger, up at the the top you can just click on next and it'll take you to someone else's blog. I'm sure lots of people have come to mine that way ;) I've looked at somewhere between 30 and 50 blogs today if I were to guess. These people were from all over. From America. From UK. From China. From Canada, etc etc. It was cool to see what's going on in the lives of other humans around the world.

The 'problem' is that since living in New Zealand, working with Koreans, befriending people from all over, watching far too many movies and reading books from around the world, my scope of the world has widened and well, it seems dull to stay in the same place that I've grown up in. I want to see other places and meet other people and do art and worship with others and all of that stuff that just has my heart beating way too fast. As Bilbo says in the Lord of the Rings "I want to see mountains again, mountains, Gandalf."

But the question is will it ever happen? If God wants to keep me in the same place I know that he'll give me the contentment with it as I continue to seek him. Or does he want to move me?

We shall see, right?

As my time here comes to a close, I can't help but wonder what it will be like being home again. Good I'm sure. I miss heaps of people. I'm not looking forward to returning to the job search again, no no no. But there's a part of me that longs for something else...what to do about that?

So yes, dear friends, I will be heading home Nov. 13. I will seriously miss my nephew and brother and sister. It just part of life, right? But I'm excited to go home too. If you got this far in this post then good on ya because I know it's a very rambling sort of post.

That's all for now.

Cheers.

Life in the South

I'm living in South Carolina with my bro, sis-in-law, and their son for a couple months. I'm taking care of my 3 yr old nephew during the day while they wait for a daycare to open soon. It's going pretty well, but I'm missing home desperately.

It's fun playing mom during the day, but it's no easy thing. My nephew is a good little boy but he pushes his limits from time to time. We've been reading his Bible and trying to do a short little devo each day. We've also been working out of a book for kids entering kindergarden with him, so he's pretty smart. He knows how to write his name and recognize letters. He's learning to write his letters slowly but surely. He knows animals, food, transportation and the like. His counting skills are fantabulous and he's really excited about painting and coloring. One bright little boy. Oh yes, and he's obsessed with movies and books. We ARE related ;)

I've been using a car during the day and exploring with Alex. We've been going to storytime at the local library and also to work out at a local gym. My bro and sis-in-law were so kind to put me on their family plan. I put Alex in the gym's daycare go to an aerobics class that meets on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. It's hard work, but great. Haven't passed out yet. I know how to get to malls, shopping areas and Starbucks so that's covered. ;) I'm getting used to driving a large car, though many times I wish for the smaller one from home.

So yeah, things are pretty good.

However, my art is suffering quite a bit. I've started a picture but am a bit nervous about taking out the paint when the whole house is carpeted. Also, with the blank walls in my room, the inevitable has happened. My art muse has retreated to a small corner of my mind and won't come out unless it is fed enough creativity. I left all of my posters, designs and calendar at home and now I face the consequences. Beginning tomorrow I will enlist my nephew to draw some pictures to go on my wall so I can breath. Artistic meditations each day, that's what I says.

Alright, that's all I have for right now. To all my dear friends and family at home, know that I miss you all completely and truly. I'll be back in mid-november.