Confession of a Cushy American

I confess.

I am terrified of moving to New Zealand.

It was exciting leading up to it all, but now, our move is less than six weeks away and the reality of it has struck a chord deep inside of me. A chord that is also known as fear or inner child. The little child inside of me took over and decided that I'm not ready for adulthood. Sure, I'm 23, five years into my legal adulthood-ness, but that seems to be just an age, not an inner maturity. And my inner child is saying "don't go" because New Zealand is "too scary!"

Yes ladies and gents, I am no more than a big baby.


But working at Barnes and Noble really isn't a long-term option for my life. Trust me.


I see you there, shaking your head, wondering if I am still going to New Zealand.

Of course I am still going to New Zealand!

God is sending me. I have no clue of what to expect, except for the beautiful scenery there. And challenge.

I have just learned that refrigerators don't usually come with an apartment (known as a "flat") in NZ. How can refrigerators not come with a flat? With other countries, I can see this being the case, but New Zealand is a very Westernized country, and they try most to be like America. So you would think that, in their pursuit of America-like-ness, they would have a refrigerator be a requirement for a flat. What is a requirement in New Zealand flats is that they have to have a wash tub for clothing. A wash tub for clothing! I had heard that dryers weren't common. Fine. I had months to get over that. But no washing machine? Washboard?--No! A tub that water can be poured into and your clothes put in. Maybe some detergent too. Who knows?

There are a whole lot of other things that I can list, and I'm sure that this list will increase when I move there, but I won't get into it more. Let's just say that I am an ignorant U.S.A-ian who thought all Western countries were the same. Lame and shameful, I know. I woke up today and realized that I have become like the thing that I had most tried to avoid in life--A cushy American.

And then I realized why God is sending me out of the country long term; because I have become so comfortable with my life--even in the hardships--and arrogant and secure in my country that I needed a wake-up call in a place that I assumed would be comfortable, only to find out it is vastly different and challenging. If I were being sent to a country that wasn't Westernized and was easily observed as being different, I would have prepared myself long ago and thus been able to deal better.

But New Zealand...?!

Here, all along, I had thought it was my idea, and God agreed.

What terrible arrogance!, to presume that God would "go along" with my idea, as though I had convinced Him that I need to go to New Zealand! This realization was like a smack in the face and I fear for how God will make me grow in this experience.


Nonetheless, my inner child is still saying "it's too scary."