The year is drawing to a close. Who knew?
Christmas Eve was fun, going with my mum to Walmart 30mins before it closed. Quite dangerous actually. Well, maybe not dangerous per say, but there was a mob of people outside wanting to get in. Let's just say we made our way out very carefully. I think I just went for the craziness of it all. I didn't really NEED anything. Why are people so desperate for presents? There were so many tired and sad and angry faces. Why can't people just enjoy the holidays?
The gift I got Tiana won't even be here till after the New Year. No worries. Publishing a book takes time I guess. It wasn't real pricey either. I figured that since she wasn't coming back to New Zealand with me she'll probably miss everything quite a bit. SO I made a book filled with pictures and text of our experiences there last year. Can't wait till it comes for her. I know she's excited.
On Christmas day me, my mum, and Tiana slept in for ages. Opened gifts in the early afternoon, went to see the movie, "Desperaux" at the theater. Cute. Then we went out to an amazing Chinese food restaurant. All in all, very relaxed, very nice. Never did that before but since all our other family had gone down to S. Carolina to my bros, we kept it simple. We're going to cook a huge family dinner for New Year's Day and have everyone over. I can't wait.
Hmm, I think that's it. Perhaps a recap of 2008 on the next post.
Cheers!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Things looking up?
4.5 Months until I move back to New Zealand. That's exciting! And scary!
Going to a new church in January - went there off and on before but now the decision has been made for my spiritual well-being.
Stressful at work with framing orders that have no way of being completed by Christmas with only two people working on them. And we keep getting more everyday. Someone should tell the customers. BTW, I went to the Woodmere locations of ours and it was huge! And they had more space! And more giftware! And possibly more frame choices! And more workers! And they were shocked to hear that we only had two workers working on orders. Ha!
Loving playing music about Christ at my store!!! Christmas is so fun in America because every store plays music about Christ. Amazing!! A witness while people shop, whether they realize it or not. Whether the singer is Christian or not. God's word is powerful! And a lot of people go to church around Christmas time so may God tug the hearts of many for him! Some people really get angry about Christmas because they don't celebrate it and don't like hearing the music and seeing Christmas all over the place. What about other holidays like Halloween that many people don't celebrate? But no one complains about all of the scary images in storefront windows and the fact that people don't celebrate it. If you don't celebrate it, you don't celebrate it. Don't participate. Geez...
I feel pretty good right now. Not too much stress all in all. Not missing New Zealand as much - oh I miss it- but T-4 months till I return so it's all good. Missing friends, but what can I do? Other emotional heartaches have calmed down considerably. Yes! Could it be that I've finally shaked this? 10 months later? Maybe so, maybe not... Ah! But I will enjoy this time while it lasts!
Still reading "Captivating" and it's so good. Usually I can read books fairly quickly, but this wasn't that kinda book. It deals with deep issues that need to prayed over, and ideas contemplated. I've been reading it since August. God has been doing some serious healing in my life. Learning to let him love me and find myself in him. My worth. My beauty. My heart. He is who satisfies me and gives me the strength to live this life and go through the stormy times as well as the good. Teaching me to be a better woman - feminism nor a twisted sense of submission will not shake this. God is the solid foundation in my life when everything else is so unstable. Wow! Who knew?
ART...doing it off and on. Working on keeping it on! Doing some freelance stuff on the side so that's good. Learning to see again. See God's beauty and artistic eye and appreciating it!
Things are looking a bit up today! Praise God. But random as post, aye?
Going to a new church in January - went there off and on before but now the decision has been made for my spiritual well-being.
Stressful at work with framing orders that have no way of being completed by Christmas with only two people working on them. And we keep getting more everyday. Someone should tell the customers. BTW, I went to the Woodmere locations of ours and it was huge! And they had more space! And more giftware! And possibly more frame choices! And more workers! And they were shocked to hear that we only had two workers working on orders. Ha!
Loving playing music about Christ at my store!!! Christmas is so fun in America because every store plays music about Christ. Amazing!! A witness while people shop, whether they realize it or not. Whether the singer is Christian or not. God's word is powerful! And a lot of people go to church around Christmas time so may God tug the hearts of many for him! Some people really get angry about Christmas because they don't celebrate it and don't like hearing the music and seeing Christmas all over the place. What about other holidays like Halloween that many people don't celebrate? But no one complains about all of the scary images in storefront windows and the fact that people don't celebrate it. If you don't celebrate it, you don't celebrate it. Don't participate. Geez...
I feel pretty good right now. Not too much stress all in all. Not missing New Zealand as much - oh I miss it- but T-4 months till I return so it's all good. Missing friends, but what can I do? Other emotional heartaches have calmed down considerably. Yes! Could it be that I've finally shaked this? 10 months later? Maybe so, maybe not... Ah! But I will enjoy this time while it lasts!
Still reading "Captivating" and it's so good. Usually I can read books fairly quickly, but this wasn't that kinda book. It deals with deep issues that need to prayed over, and ideas contemplated. I've been reading it since August. God has been doing some serious healing in my life. Learning to let him love me and find myself in him. My worth. My beauty. My heart. He is who satisfies me and gives me the strength to live this life and go through the stormy times as well as the good. Teaching me to be a better woman - feminism nor a twisted sense of submission will not shake this. God is the solid foundation in my life when everything else is so unstable. Wow! Who knew?
ART...doing it off and on. Working on keeping it on! Doing some freelance stuff on the side so that's good. Learning to see again. See God's beauty and artistic eye and appreciating it!
Things are looking a bit up today! Praise God. But random as post, aye?
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Current Thoughts
Listing my thoughts seemed to work well for me last time, so I'll do it again...
So..
1) I got accepted into the program to get back to New Zealand. Exciting! I have so much money to save up before I go, but I plan on leaving the states May 5, 2009! Like 5 months away!!
2) I made a for sure decision about changing churches, though it's hard because I'll miss people, but I need to go somewhere where I can be challenged and grow as a Christian. And a place that has a definite vision and purpose. God has changed me so much, I can't keep pretending to be the old me. I'll be changing full on in the new year. I don't want to be one of those people who just disappear and drop all responsibilities without telling people.
3) I...miss someone very much...and it hurts...it HURTS...and I'm amazed that I still feel this way 7 months later...and it's weird.. but hey, that's life I suppose...I'll hold it in my heart seeing where it's going; let it sit there for awhile till I can figure out this new...I don't know? Not sure what it's for but as long as God allows it there it will be. Oh but this new more emotional Cara (as if that's possible) is hard to deal with from day to day!!
4) I miss New Zealand life in general. Relaxed. Beautiful. Nowhere near perfect and that's nice. Acceptance for who you are instead of who people think you should be. Huge blanket statement of NZ, but there it is. I miss friends and CBC and everything. And I could live there permanently though I am nowhere near making that kind of decision.
5) I miss America... or rather, how America used to be for me, before I was torn between two countries. I missed so much in america while I was living abroad, and now that I'm back I appreciate these things a lot more, but I am constantly thinking about NZ. What time it is there. What I was doing this time last year. Wondering how people are and what's going on there, as well as re-experiencing life in America and caring about the people here. It's overwhelming!
6) Work is a drag...but that's no excuse for me not putting my all into it. Had my review today and although I did very well, there were some areas that I seriously need to work on - like being on time., and it hurts my witness for Christ. Lord help me to improve and see my job as working for you, even now while I'm looking for a new job! Why would you bless me with a new job if I'm not even doing my best at my current one? Even if I'm annoyed with the job and poor management and every other thing I can list... there is no excuse!
7) Art...I long to do it sooooooo much but I keep getting sidetracked. I'm too tired or discouraged. I make up dumb excuses. I've got to force myself to do this thing I love!!!It's like healing salve to my soul! SO necessary!
8) Still reading Captivating and still digesting the info. It such a huge part in the healing process of who I am. Such a big part
SO, that's what's been on my mind the last few days. I took a week long break from some things just to refocus myself.Not sure if I'm completely together, especially with #1 and#3 issues always on my mind...but I know that God is working in my life, drawing me close to him, especially during this immensely difficult time in my life.
So..
1) I got accepted into the program to get back to New Zealand. Exciting! I have so much money to save up before I go, but I plan on leaving the states May 5, 2009! Like 5 months away!!
2) I made a for sure decision about changing churches, though it's hard because I'll miss people, but I need to go somewhere where I can be challenged and grow as a Christian. And a place that has a definite vision and purpose. God has changed me so much, I can't keep pretending to be the old me. I'll be changing full on in the new year. I don't want to be one of those people who just disappear and drop all responsibilities without telling people.
3) I...miss someone very much...and it hurts...it HURTS...and I'm amazed that I still feel this way 7 months later...and it's weird.. but hey, that's life I suppose...I'll hold it in my heart seeing where it's going; let it sit there for awhile till I can figure out this new...I don't know? Not sure what it's for but as long as God allows it there it will be. Oh but this new more emotional Cara (as if that's possible) is hard to deal with from day to day!!
4) I miss New Zealand life in general. Relaxed. Beautiful. Nowhere near perfect and that's nice. Acceptance for who you are instead of who people think you should be. Huge blanket statement of NZ, but there it is. I miss friends and CBC and everything. And I could live there permanently though I am nowhere near making that kind of decision.
5) I miss America... or rather, how America used to be for me, before I was torn between two countries. I missed so much in america while I was living abroad, and now that I'm back I appreciate these things a lot more, but I am constantly thinking about NZ. What time it is there. What I was doing this time last year. Wondering how people are and what's going on there, as well as re-experiencing life in America and caring about the people here. It's overwhelming!
6) Work is a drag...but that's no excuse for me not putting my all into it. Had my review today and although I did very well, there were some areas that I seriously need to work on - like being on time., and it hurts my witness for Christ. Lord help me to improve and see my job as working for you, even now while I'm looking for a new job! Why would you bless me with a new job if I'm not even doing my best at my current one? Even if I'm annoyed with the job and poor management and every other thing I can list... there is no excuse!
7) Art...I long to do it sooooooo much but I keep getting sidetracked. I'm too tired or discouraged. I make up dumb excuses. I've got to force myself to do this thing I love!!!It's like healing salve to my soul! SO necessary!
8) Still reading Captivating and still digesting the info. It such a huge part in the healing process of who I am. Such a big part
SO, that's what's been on my mind the last few days. I took a week long break from some things just to refocus myself.Not sure if I'm completely together, especially with #1 and#3 issues always on my mind...but I know that God is working in my life, drawing me close to him, especially during this immensely difficult time in my life.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Taking a break
I'm taking a break from stuff. To much stress in my life that needs to be dealt with. I don't know for how long, but if you feel led to, please pray for me.
Friday, November 14, 2008
It's been awhile...
There's so much on my mind...it's easier to just list it.
1. Looking for a new job...it's hard with all the people losing their jobs. Mine has already shrunk my hours down to 32, and it's just gonna get worse. I think our store will close soon. And probably in a shady way...
2. Missing New Zealand with a whole new passion...and I've been praying with the girls that it would get better. Perhaps calling NZ last week wasn't the best of ideas because it triggered something that just makes me miss them so much more. Thinking about taking a break from Facebook and Bebo so I can refocus things in my life.
3. Finally applied to BUNAC for the Work New Zealand Program so now I'm back to having very little saved up...But it's good to finally have it done. May 5th isn't too far away...but very far indeed!
4. Been real down about my art. Trying to break through it but the whispers of Satan are very cunning. Lord help me! The website is coming slowly...
5. Fighting the flesh constantly when it comes to my Spiritual life. God is so amazing working in me and growing me but I wrestle with him so much!
6. Church...a change is coming in the '09- actually it's already begun. I gotta go where God leads me...
7. Thinking about the Homeless of Cleveland. Since having Bible Study with the girls downtown, and being downtown more often anyway, my eyes have seen, and been shocked, and ashamed, and I need to know what I can do, if anything to help...looking into that and praying about it
8. Big money woes...and I need to trust God. I may actually move to NZ permanently so what does that mean in my life?
9. My bestest is getting serious with her boyfriend and it's exciting and scary. Engagement may be in the near future. Other dear friends are engaged already. And getting married weeks after I leave for NZ. I think I really am just going to end up missing everyone's wedding!
10. Guys keep hitting on me and it's bothering me -not like that. Not constantly, but quite a few times since my return to America. I suppose I should be complimented, but I'm not. Pizza shops, bus stops, grocery stores, and they have no chance of course, they're not even Christian, but what's with the influx of flirting? My heart is elsewhere...very elsewhere, and that's all anyone, for the time being, need know.
How's that for why my mind needs constant renewing from God. I'm stressed and he's the only one who can help.
1. Looking for a new job...it's hard with all the people losing their jobs. Mine has already shrunk my hours down to 32, and it's just gonna get worse. I think our store will close soon. And probably in a shady way...
2. Missing New Zealand with a whole new passion...and I've been praying with the girls that it would get better. Perhaps calling NZ last week wasn't the best of ideas because it triggered something that just makes me miss them so much more. Thinking about taking a break from Facebook and Bebo so I can refocus things in my life.
3. Finally applied to BUNAC for the Work New Zealand Program so now I'm back to having very little saved up...But it's good to finally have it done. May 5th isn't too far away...but very far indeed!
4. Been real down about my art. Trying to break through it but the whispers of Satan are very cunning. Lord help me! The website is coming slowly...
5. Fighting the flesh constantly when it comes to my Spiritual life. God is so amazing working in me and growing me but I wrestle with him so much!
6. Church...a change is coming in the '09- actually it's already begun. I gotta go where God leads me...
7. Thinking about the Homeless of Cleveland. Since having Bible Study with the girls downtown, and being downtown more often anyway, my eyes have seen, and been shocked, and ashamed, and I need to know what I can do, if anything to help...looking into that and praying about it
8. Big money woes...and I need to trust God. I may actually move to NZ permanently so what does that mean in my life?
9. My bestest is getting serious with her boyfriend and it's exciting and scary. Engagement may be in the near future. Other dear friends are engaged already. And getting married weeks after I leave for NZ. I think I really am just going to end up missing everyone's wedding!
10. Guys keep hitting on me and it's bothering me -not like that. Not constantly, but quite a few times since my return to America. I suppose I should be complimented, but I'm not. Pizza shops, bus stops, grocery stores, and they have no chance of course, they're not even Christian, but what's with the influx of flirting? My heart is elsewhere...very elsewhere, and that's all anyone, for the time being, need know.
How's that for why my mind needs constant renewing from God. I'm stressed and he's the only one who can help.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I dunno?
So I'm 25.
How do I feel? I dunno. Older? Or maybe just old?
I've been working a lot lately and doing things I don't really care to do and not doing my art nearly enough... The deep haze of "blah and monotony" is still over me. I'm trying to shake it but it's so hard! Unhappy is another word that fits - though it's not as dire as it sounds.
Was okay about not being in New Zealand for about 4 weeks, then the pain of missing it hit me again last week and hasn't really lifted. I'm so confused!! It's been almost 5 months since I left and some days I still cry?! At what point will I be okay?
Still unsure of how I'm getting back - or, how I can stay really. Maybe if I had a definate visa or something it would be easier because I would have that goal of what I'm looking forward to. Can I have a goal with no direction and lots of unsurity (did I just make up a word?)?!
My goal is to be back in NZ before May. I'm saving money like crazy. I've been online trying to find out the steps that I need to take to make this goal a reality. I will begin the nz job search in about a month. I'm thinking about contacting some artists over there to get some feel of other opportunities for me to be over there. I dunno. I'm supposed to go to Canada for New Years to visit a Kiwi and a Canadian of whom I met in nz, but that will cut down considerably the money that I am trying to save up for nz...Maybe I shouldn't go? I dunno.
I just gotta keep giving it to God.
How do I feel? I dunno. Older? Or maybe just old?
I've been working a lot lately and doing things I don't really care to do and not doing my art nearly enough... The deep haze of "blah and monotony" is still over me. I'm trying to shake it but it's so hard! Unhappy is another word that fits - though it's not as dire as it sounds.
Was okay about not being in New Zealand for about 4 weeks, then the pain of missing it hit me again last week and hasn't really lifted. I'm so confused!! It's been almost 5 months since I left and some days I still cry?! At what point will I be okay?
Still unsure of how I'm getting back - or, how I can stay really. Maybe if I had a definate visa or something it would be easier because I would have that goal of what I'm looking forward to. Can I have a goal with no direction and lots of unsurity (did I just make up a word?)?!
My goal is to be back in NZ before May. I'm saving money like crazy. I've been online trying to find out the steps that I need to take to make this goal a reality. I will begin the nz job search in about a month. I'm thinking about contacting some artists over there to get some feel of other opportunities for me to be over there. I dunno. I'm supposed to go to Canada for New Years to visit a Kiwi and a Canadian of whom I met in nz, but that will cut down considerably the money that I am trying to save up for nz...Maybe I shouldn't go? I dunno.
I just gotta keep giving it to God.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Game
There's nothing like sitting in a pizza shop waiting for them to make the pizza and a stranger comes in for a sec, then leaves, then comes back 30 secs later, like a double take, and he says, "Hey, what's your name?
I reply "Why...?"
He says "Well, I just want to know your name?"
Hmm. So I reply "Yeah. But why?" In my mind, he's either selling something or trying to hit on me. Let's see.
He smiles and tries a new tactic whilst leaning on the counter and trying to look cool. "I just wanna know. Um, are you seeing anyone?"
Ah, so he's hitting on me and that was the best pick up line that he could do. Ha!
While shaking my head I reply: "Nah, man. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now so..." And I give him one of my Jim from "the Office" looks clearly showing that there's no hope in further communication while still appearing friendly.
It worked and eventually he left.
I don't know. Do guys generally think that talking to a girl in a random place will actually get them a date? I have no idea of his faith, of his character, whether he's a jerk or a nice guy, what he's like with others..etc. I'm not at a bar. I'm not at a club. Not under the influence of anything so did he really think his "charm" alone would work? Especially on me, who would rather know someone first, probably with a group of friends and not one on one.
Haha! SO nice to be back home. Oh what interesting things happen in my daily life!
I reply "Why...?"
He says "Well, I just want to know your name?"
Hmm. So I reply "Yeah. But why?" In my mind, he's either selling something or trying to hit on me. Let's see.
He smiles and tries a new tactic whilst leaning on the counter and trying to look cool. "I just wanna know. Um, are you seeing anyone?"
Ah, so he's hitting on me and that was the best pick up line that he could do. Ha!
While shaking my head I reply: "Nah, man. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now so..." And I give him one of my Jim from "the Office" looks clearly showing that there's no hope in further communication while still appearing friendly.
It worked and eventually he left.
I don't know. Do guys generally think that talking to a girl in a random place will actually get them a date? I have no idea of his faith, of his character, whether he's a jerk or a nice guy, what he's like with others..etc. I'm not at a bar. I'm not at a club. Not under the influence of anything so did he really think his "charm" alone would work? Especially on me, who would rather know someone first, probably with a group of friends and not one on one.
Haha! SO nice to be back home. Oh what interesting things happen in my daily life!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
eHarmony? No!!!!!
So, I signed up for eHarmony by accident. How? you may ask. Well, my boss was talking about how you can get a free relationship compatability test or something and she loves talking about that kinda thing and personality tests etc, so I thought, as I seek to get to know her more and be praying for her and showing Jesus, sure, I'll give it ago. You have to meet people where there at, and personality tests are interesting. It was a looooooonnng test, but when I finally finished it, they only talked about what kinda person I was, not the type of person I would be compatable to...and out of 4 sections, they only got two half right. Hmm... SO I was like whatev and left it.
WELL....
The very next day they had 3 matches for me. 3 guys to see if I wanted to start "communication" with. They sent it to my email. I had no idea that I had set up an actual account. I didn't pay anything. SO, I go to the website and look at these "matches". One's 23, one's 27, and one's 29. Now, if you know me at all you would understand that someone in their late 20's is too old for me. Yeah, I know I'm almost 25. But my though is, no more than 6 months younger or 1 year older. I'm not stuck on that, but I'd prefer it. Haha. Anyways, they were nothing like anyone I would want to date. One sounded too conservative and boring. Another was funny, but obsessed with excersizing. The third? I dunno. Not memorable. Haha. It was a good laugh because I always wondered how people did these online things.
Well, I left it, and by the next day they added 3 matches. Someone boring sounding, another who seemed quite vain, and another who was waaaaayyyyyyy into video games. I love video games, but not to the extent that he does. So I decided to fill out my profile and let people know what I would look for. Then this morning I thought "wait, I didn't sign up for this!" and eHarmony was still asking me to join, but they wanted to have me find a match first I guess. Anyways, I'm not into the whole online dating thing myself so I cancelled whatever I had signed up for. Hopefully it actually cancels. Geez..
Crazy aye?
WELL....
The very next day they had 3 matches for me. 3 guys to see if I wanted to start "communication" with. They sent it to my email. I had no idea that I had set up an actual account. I didn't pay anything. SO, I go to the website and look at these "matches". One's 23, one's 27, and one's 29. Now, if you know me at all you would understand that someone in their late 20's is too old for me. Yeah, I know I'm almost 25. But my though is, no more than 6 months younger or 1 year older. I'm not stuck on that, but I'd prefer it. Haha. Anyways, they were nothing like anyone I would want to date. One sounded too conservative and boring. Another was funny, but obsessed with excersizing. The third? I dunno. Not memorable. Haha. It was a good laugh because I always wondered how people did these online things.
Well, I left it, and by the next day they added 3 matches. Someone boring sounding, another who seemed quite vain, and another who was waaaaayyyyyyy into video games. I love video games, but not to the extent that he does. So I decided to fill out my profile and let people know what I would look for. Then this morning I thought "wait, I didn't sign up for this!" and eHarmony was still asking me to join, but they wanted to have me find a match first I guess. Anyways, I'm not into the whole online dating thing myself so I cancelled whatever I had signed up for. Hopefully it actually cancels. Geez..
Crazy aye?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Captivating?
Reading the book "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldridge, and recieved the shock of my life! It's a good shock, but why did no one ever tell me? Like my whole life I was looking for some explanation...
Wow!!!!
Wow!!!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
The desire of my heart
These two songs have been speaking to me a lot right now. The combo of where I'm at in my life right now, my emotions about things, the monotony of my life right now, this amazing life group I'm in that makes me think, my job, church problems, the desire to do my art, the desire to return to New Zealand, my family, friends, winter, summer, everything...
And with all the STUFF going on in my life, I realize that I just really desire God. Only God. I may have all these things I want or need or whatever, but I miss God. I miss talking to him but also listening for what he's telling me. I do talk to him, but not like I did a few months ago. Did I leave God in NZ? Of course not, but sometimes it feels that way. These songs just really reflect my heart and what I long for.
_______
"Pieces" by RED
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
______
"Carried Away" by Sonicflood
You are the open door to freedom
You are the only hope I have
The reason in my reason
The only thing that lasts
How could I begin to settle
When all within me longs
To step into the shelter
Of your everlasting arms
I wanna get carried away
I wanna be tossed by your waves
I don't care where or how deep
I'm gonna jump in with both feet
I wanna get carried away
I wanna get lost in your waves
I wanna be held by your truth
I wanna behold all of you
I'm gonna be all yours today
I wanna get carried away
Some say You're far away
But I know You're here with me
I could go anywhere
And still you'd be there with me
I know You're with me
And with all the STUFF going on in my life, I realize that I just really desire God. Only God. I may have all these things I want or need or whatever, but I miss God. I miss talking to him but also listening for what he's telling me. I do talk to him, but not like I did a few months ago. Did I leave God in NZ? Of course not, but sometimes it feels that way. These songs just really reflect my heart and what I long for.
_______
"Pieces" by RED
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
______
"Carried Away" by Sonicflood
You are the open door to freedom
You are the only hope I have
The reason in my reason
The only thing that lasts
How could I begin to settle
When all within me longs
To step into the shelter
Of your everlasting arms
I wanna get carried away
I wanna be tossed by your waves
I don't care where or how deep
I'm gonna jump in with both feet
I wanna get carried away
I wanna get lost in your waves
I wanna be held by your truth
I wanna behold all of you
I'm gonna be all yours today
I wanna get carried away
Some say You're far away
But I know You're here with me
I could go anywhere
And still you'd be there with me
I know You're with me
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Whispers
Can't sleep. Woke up and I just needed a break from sleeping. Long story but every so often I get restless, especially if I have things on my mind.
I went to the young adults group at my brothers church on Thursday - the 4:12. It was open mic, a BBQ, dancing, a skit, fellowship, and like a mini sermon, but it was a powerful one. I didn't take the adequate time I needed to think about the implications that the sermon had on my life.
The pastor talked about hunger. Physical hunger like when you crave chocolate or normal food. You need sustenance, so you eat. You start to feel light headed and your stomach growls, and you know it's probably time to eat. So you do. Or even just a specific kind of food that you may see on tv or see someone else with and you're like "I want that!" His example of some food he was craving was some fried chicken, but not just any fried chicken, but from a specific place from where he grew up. Haha. But then he talked about spiritual hunger. A hunger that you don't always know what it is right away, but you seek to fill it. Like, if you feel lonely. Or something like that. The pastor went on to say that a lot of us get caught this way.
He talked about how sometimes God allows Satan to tempt us to make us stronger and to test our faith (It makes me think of Job in the Bible). But Satan won't just waste this opportunity, no. He works to create a hunger in us, then offers a solution that looks like it would be good, but we find out otherwise. For example, you might be sitting there one night. No one's called you all day. No emails from friends. No text messages, nothing and Satan whispers in your ear "psssst. Don't you wish someone would call you today? Don't you feel lonely? pssst! Don't you wish you were engaged like so in so? (Women fall for this a lot) Don't you wish you had somebody who loved you? You want a relationship. You need a relationship!" The pastor even gave the example of sexual impurity for people. And thus the hunger is created. But it doesn't stop there. Then Satan offers a solution that looks good but it's sin. People will get in bad relationships for the sake of relationships. Instead of being patient with who God has and will settle for something less and go farther in a relationship then they mean to and it results in sin -- all the while thinking that this will satisfy that hunger and find out it doesn't. Another example is you're broke. Bills to pay and no money to pay. And Satan will whisper "pssst. Pssst! Don't you wish you could have money? Don't you wish you had that car? Don't you wish you had that house? Don't you wish you had those new clothes? You want that stuff. You need more stuff" And then he offers the solution to go spend money that you don't have...credit cards and rent money and buy those material things that he says you need and you stop trusting God and get into a lot of trouble and sin.
The pastor said that we get tempted then fall because we're not spiritually full--meaning fully satisfied in Christ and trusting him for our needs. He says that when you have just ate you full at dinner and then watch tv and see an add for some really good food, it doesn't matter to you. You're not hungry. You don't even want to look at food because you're physically full. The same with spiritual fullness. When we're spiritually full and Satan tries to whisper in your ear that you're lonely or weary of staying pure, or wish you had more stuff, you won't even want to hear it because you know God satisfies you like nothing else can or ever will. It's the times when we skip our devos and skip praying, and/or kinda back up from God - and it may even be a subtle thing - that when we're tempted we give in to that temptation. Satan even did this with Jesus when he was fasting in the wilderness 40 days and nights, figuring that he had Jesus alone. "Pssst. Turn that rock into bread to satisfy your hunger!" etc. - except Satan didn't realize that Jesus, while he was fasting in the wilderness, was using all that time to get filled up on God, so when Satan tempted him, Jesus wasn't even trying to hear it and was able to fight off that temptation because of this.
There is so much more I can go into this and I'm not even sure I've explained it well enough but it touched my life. Like, sometimes I would wonder why all of a sudden I would feel a certain way about something even though before it didn't bother me. It wasn't even a want yesterday and now all of a sudden I feel like I need this or that. The hunger is created and when I'm dissatisfied with God and holding him at arms length...or when I'm upset with God I tend to seek fulfillment somewhere else with worldly things that will never satisfy. And then I wonder what happened and how I got so far from God.
Food for thought.
Now, I must try to get some sleep again.
I went to the young adults group at my brothers church on Thursday - the 4:12. It was open mic, a BBQ, dancing, a skit, fellowship, and like a mini sermon, but it was a powerful one. I didn't take the adequate time I needed to think about the implications that the sermon had on my life.
The pastor talked about hunger. Physical hunger like when you crave chocolate or normal food. You need sustenance, so you eat. You start to feel light headed and your stomach growls, and you know it's probably time to eat. So you do. Or even just a specific kind of food that you may see on tv or see someone else with and you're like "I want that!" His example of some food he was craving was some fried chicken, but not just any fried chicken, but from a specific place from where he grew up. Haha. But then he talked about spiritual hunger. A hunger that you don't always know what it is right away, but you seek to fill it. Like, if you feel lonely. Or something like that. The pastor went on to say that a lot of us get caught this way.
He talked about how sometimes God allows Satan to tempt us to make us stronger and to test our faith (It makes me think of Job in the Bible). But Satan won't just waste this opportunity, no. He works to create a hunger in us, then offers a solution that looks like it would be good, but we find out otherwise. For example, you might be sitting there one night. No one's called you all day. No emails from friends. No text messages, nothing and Satan whispers in your ear "psssst. Don't you wish someone would call you today? Don't you feel lonely? pssst! Don't you wish you were engaged like so in so? (Women fall for this a lot) Don't you wish you had somebody who loved you? You want a relationship. You need a relationship!" The pastor even gave the example of sexual impurity for people. And thus the hunger is created. But it doesn't stop there. Then Satan offers a solution that looks good but it's sin. People will get in bad relationships for the sake of relationships. Instead of being patient with who God has and will settle for something less and go farther in a relationship then they mean to and it results in sin -- all the while thinking that this will satisfy that hunger and find out it doesn't. Another example is you're broke. Bills to pay and no money to pay. And Satan will whisper "pssst. Pssst! Don't you wish you could have money? Don't you wish you had that car? Don't you wish you had that house? Don't you wish you had those new clothes? You want that stuff. You need more stuff" And then he offers the solution to go spend money that you don't have...credit cards and rent money and buy those material things that he says you need and you stop trusting God and get into a lot of trouble and sin.
The pastor said that we get tempted then fall because we're not spiritually full--meaning fully satisfied in Christ and trusting him for our needs. He says that when you have just ate you full at dinner and then watch tv and see an add for some really good food, it doesn't matter to you. You're not hungry. You don't even want to look at food because you're physically full. The same with spiritual fullness. When we're spiritually full and Satan tries to whisper in your ear that you're lonely or weary of staying pure, or wish you had more stuff, you won't even want to hear it because you know God satisfies you like nothing else can or ever will. It's the times when we skip our devos and skip praying, and/or kinda back up from God - and it may even be a subtle thing - that when we're tempted we give in to that temptation. Satan even did this with Jesus when he was fasting in the wilderness 40 days and nights, figuring that he had Jesus alone. "Pssst. Turn that rock into bread to satisfy your hunger!" etc. - except Satan didn't realize that Jesus, while he was fasting in the wilderness, was using all that time to get filled up on God, so when Satan tempted him, Jesus wasn't even trying to hear it and was able to fight off that temptation because of this.
There is so much more I can go into this and I'm not even sure I've explained it well enough but it touched my life. Like, sometimes I would wonder why all of a sudden I would feel a certain way about something even though before it didn't bother me. It wasn't even a want yesterday and now all of a sudden I feel like I need this or that. The hunger is created and when I'm dissatisfied with God and holding him at arms length...or when I'm upset with God I tend to seek fulfillment somewhere else with worldly things that will never satisfy. And then I wonder what happened and how I got so far from God.
Food for thought.
Now, I must try to get some sleep again.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
A Job?
SO, I have a job now. I start on Monday. It's working at a Framing and Design Shop so that should be fun. It's related to art and I get a huge discount and possible venue to sell my artwork in Michigan and Ohio. The only stink thing is that it doesn't pay nearly enough. We're talking almost minimum wage for a full time job. Huh? So, i need to find another job as well. I have bills to pay and a trip to NZ to save up for. But I am happy to at least have a job after two months of nothing. Praise God!
www.framesunlimited.com
www.framesunlimited.com
Friday, June 27, 2008
The Story of My Life
In the narrow hallway, then in [her] own small room, unpacking [her] bag, [Cara] had a strange sense of disappointment... For a long moment, she did not quite know where she was. The cracked and yellowed paint on the ceiling, the cramped room, the window framed by limp curtains and itself framing a view over rooftops to the flat surfaces of distant buildings, the sulfurous sky...everything looked dingy. [Cara] felt the little house pressing close around her... [She] concentrated on folding close in around herself the remembered contentment of [New Zealand], like armor against---she couldn't name it, but it threatened her.
"A Solitary Blue" by Cynthia Voigt
"A Solitary Blue" by Cynthia Voigt
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
anyway
I'm reading this book about authentic relationships. Guess what the book's called...Authentic Relationships: discover the lost art of "one anothering" by Wayne Jacobson and Clay Jacobson. Amazing! I recommend. I read some of it before going to NZ...borrowed it from my young adults leader. I need to mail it to him, but I decided to read it again first, through the eyes of this new and changed "Cara" who is trying to be more open an honest.
In the book, I found this poem or saying or whatever it is that I though was real cool.
anyway
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
In the book, I found this poem or saying or whatever it is that I though was real cool.
anyway
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Stressed and I didn't know
What is God doing?
I feel like the walls are crumbling around me.
I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
But I will try.
I feel like the walls are crumbling around me.
I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
But I will try.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Walkin and Kinda Talkin
I've decided that sometimes it's better to show something rather than explain it. Alas, a video of my cute little nephew, Alex. I love him!!! Enjoy.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Search for Good Music
Tiana and I were sitting here missing LifeFM in New Zealand and we decided to see if there are any radio stations stateside that play a variety of music by Christian artists - like rock, hip-hop, contemporary christian, worship, dance, gospel, funk, pop, ska, and local artists. And they have to play new/current music. Cleveland's radio stations are pretty much useless. Both FM stations play older music. For one station we looked at the entire playlist and found only 5 songs that were from last year - and 3 of them were remakes! None were from this year. What?! And the other station has played the exact same music for the past 5 years and again, none of it from this year that I have heard so far. Sad! SO, we decided to check online to see if any Christian station played a wide variety of styles on their stations. Results = none. Some will play worship. Others gospel. Others rock. Others techno. Other's contemporary Christian. Other's hip-hop. We have found these music stations to be quite segregated. What's the deal?
We found a UK station that played a variety of music and this is great. And of course, LifeFM in New Zealand does too. But in America, we are seriously lacking in that area - and no one seems to be interested in local up and coming artists!
So if you're in America and want to hear some great music and local Kiwi artists as well, listen to LifeFM online and be happy just like us!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Back Home - for real?
Home. What is a home? I'm finally back in Ohio, but it doesn't feel like home. It's like my whole life here was so long ago. Ancient. And I'm just visiting.
I have changed a lot, yes. So I just need to balance the old and the new. Things are coming back to me about "home" and America, but I still see things where I'm like, woah! forgot that.
Moving back to mum's place is good, but not. Free rent for the time being, but after living on my own halfway across the world... and getting used to that...I'm not sure how long I can last here. I'm broke, so that settles it I suppose, but when I find a job, I have some serious thinking to do.
If I plan on going back to NZ soon (Jan 2009), which I do, I'll stay here and save up money, but if it may be Sept 2009, I may move in with a friend or something. I don't know. It really depends on how my sanity holds up. Haha.
Well, that's all the contemplating I care to do right now.
Cheers!
I have changed a lot, yes. So I just need to balance the old and the new. Things are coming back to me about "home" and America, but I still see things where I'm like, woah! forgot that.
Moving back to mum's place is good, but not. Free rent for the time being, but after living on my own halfway across the world... and getting used to that...I'm not sure how long I can last here. I'm broke, so that settles it I suppose, but when I find a job, I have some serious thinking to do.
If I plan on going back to NZ soon (Jan 2009), which I do, I'll stay here and save up money, but if it may be Sept 2009, I may move in with a friend or something. I don't know. It really depends on how my sanity holds up. Haha.
Well, that's all the contemplating I care to do right now.
Cheers!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Homesickness?!
Hey, so I think I've figured out why I've been so down lately - besides the whole re-entry thing that happens when you're away for a long time.
I'm not home yet. I'm in America, yes. But not home yet.
I consider New Zealand my home. And I also consider Ohio my home.
Right now I'm in South Carolina. You do the math.
When I'm in Hamilton, New Zealand- I miss Cleveland, Ohio. When I'm in Cleveland, Ohio - I miss Hamilton, New Zealand. When I'm in South Carolina - I miss Hamilton AND Cleveland. That's double the amount of missings!!!
I love being with my brother and sister in law and nephew, but I'm used to seeing them like once a year and having some kind of cash saved up to do things instead of mooching off of them. But I've seen my friends and church family in NZ rather constantly my whole year there. And my friends and family in Ohio even longer. And right now I'm not with any of them. Weird.
I'm homesick for 2 places!!!!
SO...I need to either go back home to NZ or go home to Ohio. None of this "in between" stuff!
If I don't go to one of my homes real soon, I'm going to go crazy! Hopefully I can last until Wednesday when I leave!
Oh yeah, and as of this weekend I will have been living out of a suitcase for a whole month. When we moved out of our flat in Hamilton, everything remained packed during our house sitting time. So, yes, all my clothes are wrinkled. Haha!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Okay-ish-ness
I'm doing okay. Trying to shake this depression that came over me last week. There's just missing a place, and then there's depression. I won't get in to that. God's working on me. I'm better.
I've looked up a lot of stuff about how long I can stay in NZ since I can't do a working holiday again. Looks to be about 3 months if just did a normal holiday visa. Everything else requires a lot more that doesn't look like a realistic possibility for me and I'm not moving there permanently. It'll just be me saving up. I'm still going to try to get an artist grant, but those are usually for a month or so and don;t give out much. Art fellowships and sponsorships which are more serious income require more work than 7 months will allow, and are for professional artists who have been around for awhile...say 30 yrs in doing art professionally. Ha! So, we'll see. Maybe won't go back until September. Definitely don't want to go back during NZ's winter or during the V8s in April if I can help it!
So, I won't look into that much more right now.
I have loved spending time with my nephew, Alex. He is such a good baby. 14 months is a fun age. He can walk though he falls down a lot. He loves to smile and laugh. He speaks his own baby-ish language and can understand a lot from us. He's developing his imagination. He's pretty good about sleeping and eating. And he's soooooo cute!!! This past weekend, My bro and sis in law abandoned us with their child so they could speak the weekend away in Charlotte. (Their home is just on the border of South Carolina and North Carolina.) We actually offered to give them a break and take care of Alex and they were very excited. It's been so nice! They come back today.
I've been searching for art jobs in Cleveland. Cleveland.com. Monster.com. Indeed.com. Yahoo hotjobs. etc. Even though I'm not home yet, I still want to be searching early. I fly home on May 21st. I'll probably try to get a temp job right away to pay for some immediate bills and to get my art website up and running properly. I will also be going full on into my art. Painting will commence as soon as I return to Cleveland and get my easel from my other bro. Also, I have tons of art to sell and tons of amazing photography to print and sell. I'll be visiting galleries and coffee shops and wherever else to sell my art I will also see if I can hold a show somewhere. I need to make up new business cards and figure out set prices for my work, update my artist statement, etc, etc, etc. Busy busy. Any job I get on the side, I will try to keep it as art related as possible. I'll be talking to some artists as soon as I get home. My grandma has been meeting some artists and telling them about me and now I have "appointments" to go see them and tell them about NZ and get some connections, y'know? I'm starting to get real excited.
Maybe this is part of the reason I'm feeling better. Trusting God with future plans and just following him in what he wants me to do. He is so amazing!!!!
Sunday, May 04, 2008
The Return
Yes.
I'm back "home".
I'm really trying to be excited. I was very excited to see my brother and sis in law, and my Nephew Alex. He's great. So cute. So fun. So stubborn. Haha. I guess it's in our genes. This time in S. Carolina will be good for the re-adjustment to American culture.
See. Alex already loves his auntie.
Went to the airport on Sat with friends. It was really hard, but God kept my spirits up well enough. I didn't start crying until the middle of the night on the plane. I went in the airplane bathroom and lost it. Then was fine, until the next flight where I sat next to some family where Tiana and I swear we saw the father on some TV show (we were flying from LA). Tiana was in the seat in front of me, so I couldn't really talk to her. I started looking at some pictures of friends from NZ and got to about the second picture and I cried like a little girl for the whole flight. Good thing I had the window seat and the little girl next to me was asleep for most of the flight. I had a real good silent talk/argue/prayer time with God and by the time we were leaving the plane I was well enough. Geez. Who knew that a year abroad could have such a huge impact on my life? I'll never forget just looking back and seeing everyone waving goodbye. Some with smiles. Some with quietness. And everytime I looked back, they were still there. It was almost too much to handle. I can only imagine that the only reason I didn't break down and cry was because of God. It's such a vivid picture in my mind and it keeps replaying over and over like some scene from a movie.
I love New Zealand. I love my friends. I love CBC.
I miss it all very much.
But I love God even more and I go where He wants me to go. Right now I'm supposed to be back in America. And though I'm a little sad and wake up crying in the mornings, I'll be fine. It's good to be with family again. It's good to be back in America too, though it is quite an adjustment after living in New Zealand for a year. But most importantly, it's good to be doing what God wants me to do.
To his glory and honor.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Resolved.
Resolved.
It's good to know that Jesus cares. I already knew it, but it's still good to be reminded.
Friendships restored. Heartbreaks getting healed. Preparation for the big move back to the states going okay. Drama down to a minimum.
All in all I feel pretty good.
I still don't want to leave New Zealand. C'mon! No offense to America, but New Zealand's got it going on.
But...
No offense to New Zealand, but America's already had it going on.
Haha.
What am I talking about?!
Hmm... someone's going to have to throw me onto that plane cause I don't think I'll be going willingly.
Goodbye BBQ on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not too, because it'll be like the 'final' goodbye. Some people I may never see again. Others I'll see in January 2009 when I hope to return. But I hope to stay connected to everyone cause I love them soooooooo much!
Cheers!
It's good to know that Jesus cares. I already knew it, but it's still good to be reminded.
Friendships restored. Heartbreaks getting healed. Preparation for the big move back to the states going okay. Drama down to a minimum.
All in all I feel pretty good.
I still don't want to leave New Zealand. C'mon! No offense to America, but New Zealand's got it going on.
But...
No offense to New Zealand, but America's already had it going on.
Haha.
What am I talking about?!
Hmm... someone's going to have to throw me onto that plane cause I don't think I'll be going willingly.
Goodbye BBQ on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not too, because it'll be like the 'final' goodbye. Some people I may never see again. Others I'll see in January 2009 when I hope to return. But I hope to stay connected to everyone cause I love them soooooooo much!
Cheers!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
April Events
So yeah, my posts were getting a bit too reflective. On to some happier stuff. Hangin' out with friends, every week, sometimes more than once a week. A good time can always be expected.
Hamilton Gardens, just chillin
Balloons over Waikato - we couldn't get the camera centered
Balloons over Waikato - Nightglow at Waikato University
Remember, I was supposed to do study abroad there?
Nightglow - Hot air Balloons, lit to the sound of movie soundtracks
Putt Putt golfing - this course was quite dull, but hangin out with friends was fun.
There were little teddy bears set up all over the course. It was quite lame.
The guys, checking their scores
Will the ball make it into the hole? I don't think it did.
The concert we went to during V8s weekend. It said Happy Hour 6-9. We weren't there for drinks. Haha. We wanted to see Radiator and Kissed by the Moon. Showed up a little after 6pm and the gates were closed and nothing opened. We waited at Starbucks for 3 hours, seeing some of the members from the bands come around 8pm and wait outside for an hour for people to unlock the door. We went in around 9pm. Concert started around 10pm. They need to work on getting their timing right. Sometimes they start on time, sometimes they start 4 hours later. Who knew?
Still growing
So...
Apparently forgiveness is a daily practice.
Who knew?
Question is, how many times can a friend hurt you before they realize...or care...that they are? And how long does it take for a friend to stop acting like a jerk? And how long does it take before a good friendship is ruined?
And how long will it take before I stop crying?
But I read in proverbs today that we should "never abandon a friend." And I also read in Psalms that "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and rescues the crushed in spirit."
This is where I'm at. Totally confused, and hurt, and confused, and hurt, and leaving NZ in less than a week...wondering if this will be resolved before then.
Prayer please.
Apparently forgiveness is a daily practice.
Who knew?
Question is, how many times can a friend hurt you before they realize...or care...that they are? And how long does it take for a friend to stop acting like a jerk? And how long does it take before a good friendship is ruined?
And how long will it take before I stop crying?
But I read in proverbs today that we should "never abandon a friend." And I also read in Psalms that "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and rescues the crushed in spirit."
This is where I'm at. Totally confused, and hurt, and confused, and hurt, and leaving NZ in less than a week...wondering if this will be resolved before then.
Prayer please.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Forgiveness and the growth of Cara
SO...the V8 car races are over. I won't get into it much. Cars were fast and loud. Fun, then not so much. Serving at church was real good. God worked in the midst of a whole lotta darkness. Read Tiana's blog for more info of how that worked.
Right now I'm learning about forgiveness. This weekend was real good and real bad and a friend screwed up big time. The world tells me that who cares if they are sinning about such in such, it's no big deal. My flesh is saying hate them and avoid them - 3 strikes and they're out. But God, he's saying - forgiveness. We are all human and struggle with sin. This friend fell this weekend. But God forgives him. And in my attitude about his sin, I fell this weekend- and maybe more so yesterday morning when I was heartbroken to see a good friend doing the very thing that pierces down to my very core.
Lust. Guys have it so hard in this world when it comes to that, and it seems that many of us women only encourage it in the way we dress and act and...yeah.
I was prepared to end a relationship over this person's struggle. Isn't that just like people? Just like the kinda Christians I can't stand who, when someone falls, shuns them and kicks them while they're down. God doesn't call us to be that way. God hates sin more than I do, yet he loves people and he helps them through their struggles. He's done this in my life so so SO many times. God calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven...and I have been forgiven much. I need to forgive and come alongside this friend with love, and help him through this struggle, and call him out when he needs to know how his "seemingly innocent" actions can offend his sisters in Christ. Sometimes people just need this to know that they are being wrong.
If I really care about him as a valued friend, I won't just ignore this, and walk away. Fly back to America and pretend that this person hasn't impacted every part of my life, and just drop it there- never to speak to him again. How harsh unforgiving would that be? How un-Christlike would that be? You don't sin in response to sin.
I would hope a friend would care enough about me to call me out when I'm in the wrong too.
And my sister has.
See? See how God is growing me every single moment of my life!
Right now I'm learning about forgiveness. This weekend was real good and real bad and a friend screwed up big time. The world tells me that who cares if they are sinning about such in such, it's no big deal. My flesh is saying hate them and avoid them - 3 strikes and they're out. But God, he's saying - forgiveness. We are all human and struggle with sin. This friend fell this weekend. But God forgives him. And in my attitude about his sin, I fell this weekend- and maybe more so yesterday morning when I was heartbroken to see a good friend doing the very thing that pierces down to my very core.
Lust. Guys have it so hard in this world when it comes to that, and it seems that many of us women only encourage it in the way we dress and act and...yeah.
I was prepared to end a relationship over this person's struggle. Isn't that just like people? Just like the kinda Christians I can't stand who, when someone falls, shuns them and kicks them while they're down. God doesn't call us to be that way. God hates sin more than I do, yet he loves people and he helps them through their struggles. He's done this in my life so so SO many times. God calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven...and I have been forgiven much. I need to forgive and come alongside this friend with love, and help him through this struggle, and call him out when he needs to know how his "seemingly innocent" actions can offend his sisters in Christ. Sometimes people just need this to know that they are being wrong.
If I really care about him as a valued friend, I won't just ignore this, and walk away. Fly back to America and pretend that this person hasn't impacted every part of my life, and just drop it there- never to speak to him again. How harsh unforgiving would that be? How un-Christlike would that be? You don't sin in response to sin.
I would hope a friend would care enough about me to call me out when I'm in the wrong too.
And my sister has.
See? See how God is growing me every single moment of my life!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
From the Desk of Cara at A.C.C.
Yes, I'm writing from A.C.C. It's been a slow day today so, yea-ya!!
So, today is my last day at work. Am I excited? You betcha! But it's kind of a bitter sweet leaving. I'm not much of an "office" person, nor do I like to talk on the phone all day. My throat gets tired of talking. And why do you have to dress up at a call center? You're just talking on the phone!
But this also marks the very nearness of my time in New Zealand ending.
I don't wanna go back to America. I miss it terribly, but there's so much I'm involved with in New Zealand, and so many new friends that I've really connected with, and such an awesome church that I am so involved in, and it's so beautiful and sunny and green and yeah. But I miss my friends at home. And I miss my family. And I miss people from my church at home. And I miss lots of things. But it's going to be so different when I go home. Living in another country always means that you'll go through some kind of culture shock when you return home. Not looking forward to that.
These past few weeks we've really been hanging out with people constantly and it just makes it harder to go. And some people I'm going to really miss...not sure how I will cope..some very dear friends that I won't be seeing anymore. Can I convince everyone to get video skype?
When I go home, my plan is to save up for coming back to New Zealand in January, and I really mean to. But I have bills at home to pay, debts to pay off, an art career to fully begin. And life without New Zealand is no life at all, right.
I'm not looking forward to being bombarded with questions about how my experience was in New Zealand. How can I sum it up? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was amazing! God has grown me soooooo much. Will I seem different to others at home?
Because of the whole culture shock thing, I probably won't see most people until June. It'll give me some time to re-adjust to America. The first two weeks of May we'll be staying in South Carolina and visiting my brother and sister-in-law and my little nephew whom I haven't seen yet. After that we'll go back to Cleveland and meet up with some friends from New Zealand that have been travelling in a RV around America. Fun times. Then, I'll be over my shock and jet lag and can talk to everyone more normal-like.
Tiana and I moved all of our furniture out of our flat last night! We have such amazing friends who are so willing. We had to drop stuff off at three different houses and we began at 8:15pm, so it was fun. But it took us till about 10:30pm so that's not so bad. Our Life group leaders are going to throw a Goodbye Barbecue for us May 1st, so I guess we're staying until May 3rd. Haha I'll take it! It's so sad how empty our flat is, but it's funny because we didn't have a ton of stuff. Today after work, we're going to take the bus down to the Korean restaurant and have an early dinner (cause last night we didn't plan dinner and ended up having canned cream rice) and then we're going to go to the Warehouse and get a few cleaning materials, and go home and get to it. Hopefully we can clean most of the flat today and only have a little bit of the bathroom to worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow marks the first day of the V8 races. I'm so excited. Me and Tiana have tickets!!! We got them discounted too. I'm not a huge fan of car races, but I saw the movie Cars, and I know they go fast. I played the video games. I'm heaps excited!!!! They built the whole racecourse circuit right near where we live. Our church is on the inside of the track, so we're serving the community and running a cafe. Today was the big Powhiti (Welcome) with the Maori King and there was some cancellations of the caterers last night so I know people at church were a little stressed. How do you cancel on the Maori King? This is like huge! The prime minister is supposed to be there too as well, to usher in the first of many V8 races in Hamilton for the years to come. NZ is definitely different from America. I'm so excited to help on Sat and Sun and just be real servants. God has opened up a tremendous opportunity!
So, today is my last day at work. Am I excited? You betcha! But it's kind of a bitter sweet leaving. I'm not much of an "office" person, nor do I like to talk on the phone all day. My throat gets tired of talking. And why do you have to dress up at a call center? You're just talking on the phone!
But this also marks the very nearness of my time in New Zealand ending.
I don't wanna go back to America. I miss it terribly, but there's so much I'm involved with in New Zealand, and so many new friends that I've really connected with, and such an awesome church that I am so involved in, and it's so beautiful and sunny and green and yeah. But I miss my friends at home. And I miss my family. And I miss people from my church at home. And I miss lots of things. But it's going to be so different when I go home. Living in another country always means that you'll go through some kind of culture shock when you return home. Not looking forward to that.
These past few weeks we've really been hanging out with people constantly and it just makes it harder to go. And some people I'm going to really miss...not sure how I will cope..some very dear friends that I won't be seeing anymore. Can I convince everyone to get video skype?
When I go home, my plan is to save up for coming back to New Zealand in January, and I really mean to. But I have bills at home to pay, debts to pay off, an art career to fully begin. And life without New Zealand is no life at all, right.
I'm not looking forward to being bombarded with questions about how my experience was in New Zealand. How can I sum it up? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was amazing! God has grown me soooooo much. Will I seem different to others at home?
Because of the whole culture shock thing, I probably won't see most people until June. It'll give me some time to re-adjust to America. The first two weeks of May we'll be staying in South Carolina and visiting my brother and sister-in-law and my little nephew whom I haven't seen yet. After that we'll go back to Cleveland and meet up with some friends from New Zealand that have been travelling in a RV around America. Fun times. Then, I'll be over my shock and jet lag and can talk to everyone more normal-like.
Tiana and I moved all of our furniture out of our flat last night! We have such amazing friends who are so willing. We had to drop stuff off at three different houses and we began at 8:15pm, so it was fun. But it took us till about 10:30pm so that's not so bad. Our Life group leaders are going to throw a Goodbye Barbecue for us May 1st, so I guess we're staying until May 3rd. Haha I'll take it! It's so sad how empty our flat is, but it's funny because we didn't have a ton of stuff. Today after work, we're going to take the bus down to the Korean restaurant and have an early dinner (cause last night we didn't plan dinner and ended up having canned cream rice) and then we're going to go to the Warehouse and get a few cleaning materials, and go home and get to it. Hopefully we can clean most of the flat today and only have a little bit of the bathroom to worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow marks the first day of the V8 races. I'm so excited. Me and Tiana have tickets!!! We got them discounted too. I'm not a huge fan of car races, but I saw the movie Cars, and I know they go fast. I played the video games. I'm heaps excited!!!! They built the whole racecourse circuit right near where we live. Our church is on the inside of the track, so we're serving the community and running a cafe. Today was the big Powhiti (Welcome) with the Maori King and there was some cancellations of the caterers last night so I know people at church were a little stressed. How do you cancel on the Maori King? This is like huge! The prime minister is supposed to be there too as well, to usher in the first of many V8 races in Hamilton for the years to come. NZ is definitely different from America. I'm so excited to help on Sat and Sun and just be real servants. God has opened up a tremendous opportunity!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
As of Today
I only have a few weeks left in New Zealand, and I am devistated. But I'll be fine. I miss America too. Kind of.
This week God laid it on my heart to do a prayer walk around the track that is for the V8 races here in Hamilton. Yes ladies and gents, we will be hosting a huge race car race around our city next weekend. Fun times.
It was such a good time of prayer with a few people from church. 36,000 extra people from all over the world will be in our city for this. Our church sits right inside the track, so we will be serving the community for this event and hosting something with the Maori king. I suppose the prime minister will be there too. It's such a good opportunity to reach these people who may not usually be crossing paths with us. What a great opportunity to be like Jesus to them! It's exciting, but can be very stressful. I won't get into now, but there's a lot to pray for with this.
It was so good. Talking with God is soooo good.
Tonight, I'll be going to Nightglow at University of Waikato. This past week has been Balloons over Waikato - hot air balloons. We saw them launch as were waiting for our bus at the bus stop every morning. There's some cool shapes too. One of the ballons was a Darth Vador head. Haha!!! Anyways, tonight is like the final festivities and there's music, and the balloons will be on the ground with lights shining on them, and there will be fireworks. All in all, it sounds quite cool. I'll take some pictures and put the in the next post.
But right now, I need to do some art!
This week God laid it on my heart to do a prayer walk around the track that is for the V8 races here in Hamilton. Yes ladies and gents, we will be hosting a huge race car race around our city next weekend. Fun times.
It was such a good time of prayer with a few people from church. 36,000 extra people from all over the world will be in our city for this. Our church sits right inside the track, so we will be serving the community for this event and hosting something with the Maori king. I suppose the prime minister will be there too. It's such a good opportunity to reach these people who may not usually be crossing paths with us. What a great opportunity to be like Jesus to them! It's exciting, but can be very stressful. I won't get into now, but there's a lot to pray for with this.
It was so good. Talking with God is soooo good.
Tonight, I'll be going to Nightglow at University of Waikato. This past week has been Balloons over Waikato - hot air balloons. We saw them launch as were waiting for our bus at the bus stop every morning. There's some cool shapes too. One of the ballons was a Darth Vador head. Haha!!! Anyways, tonight is like the final festivities and there's music, and the balloons will be on the ground with lights shining on them, and there will be fireworks. All in all, it sounds quite cool. I'll take some pictures and put the in the next post.
But right now, I need to do some art!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Fun times in the last few weeks...
Until next time...
Touch Rugby Tournament - I cheered our team on
Stations of the Cross Art Installations at the Hamilton Gardens with friends. Sokun took this picture, but we never got one with her in it. Awesome artpieces!
Easter Weekend - We bought Callalillies
Easter Service was amazing!
Easter Weekend - borrowed a car and went to Mt. Maungatautari. Not much of a mount, but we were straight up in the country. We've missed it these last few months without a car.
Easter Weekend - Hamilton Gardens in the daytime- Lovely -This is the Italian Garden
Easter - Waihi Beach - Keeping with our holiday tradition of going to the beach
Last Weekend we went with friends to see a rugby game and hang out. Chiefs (our team) won, randomly ended up seeing part of the Hamilton Gospel choir at the Salvation Army on our way to dinner, and ate some delicious Indian food. But I didn't have a camera!!
Until next time...
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Yeah yeah yeah...no
It's not everyday that you get a ride home from two former Olympic BMX racers who are quite interested in "misplacing" orange cones in your empty parking space for kicks.
Oh the laughs.
Last week was a rough week. But it forced me to talk to God rather constantly. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of questions. Lots of "wait" answers. Hmm...
This will be better only because of the grace of God and his teaching me how to pray. This week is a week for focusing on other peoples prayer needs and less on myself and my wants and me me me. Other people are hurting and although I need this constant prayer time with God, I can use it to pray for others too...more than I have been. SO.....
I'll be praying "BIG" this week.
And I will still be praying about the other, rather intense, situation of last week and this week and for however long it needs prayer for.... but not from my view of it, but for the, ah... other...um...yeah.
Oh, and I love my kiwi church very, very much.
Why must I go back to America again?
Oh the laughs.
Last week was a rough week. But it forced me to talk to God rather constantly. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of questions. Lots of "wait" answers. Hmm...
This will be better only because of the grace of God and his teaching me how to pray. This week is a week for focusing on other peoples prayer needs and less on myself and my wants and me me me. Other people are hurting and although I need this constant prayer time with God, I can use it to pray for others too...more than I have been. SO.....
I'll be praying "BIG" this week.
And I will still be praying about the other, rather intense, situation of last week and this week and for however long it needs prayer for.... but not from my view of it, but for the, ah... other...um...yeah.
Oh, and I love my kiwi church very, very much.
Why must I go back to America again?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
To sum up my week....
(These) Lonely Places
by Cara
Feels like
Shadows
Closing in
On me
Heartbreak
I've played the game
Now shadows
Are creeping
So many times
In different places
So many times
On me
Shadows why do you seek me?
Why are you following through my room?
Where am I supposed to run to
If you are always waiting there too?
"Shadows!", love screams:
"Leave me, in some peace!"
"Shadows, go away
And, give me some release!"
Feels like
Shadows
Closing in
On me
Heartbreak
I've played the game
Now shadows
Are creeping
So many times
In different places
So many times
On me
by Cara
Feels like
Shadows
Closing in
On me
Heartbreak
I've played the game
Now shadows
Are creeping
So many times
In different places
So many times
On me
Shadows why do you seek me?
Why are you following through my room?
Where am I supposed to run to
If you are always waiting there too?
"Shadows!", love screams:
"Leave me, in some peace!"
"Shadows, go away
And, give me some release!"
Feels like
Shadows
Closing in
On me
Heartbreak
I've played the game
Now shadows
Are creeping
So many times
In different places
So many times
On me
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Slightly delayed -- apologies
Uh oh.
It's been awhile.
That's how you know I really have a job.
I work at a call center for ACC - New Zealand's nationwide health insurance - unique only to NZ
In other words, I work for the government.
I have a headset, two computer screens, a corner of a make-shift cubicle decorated with as much fabric, art, and quotes that I can fit on two small square bulletin boards. Hmm. I try.
I'm surviving. It's not half bad. It 'ain't have good neither', but it'll do. Hehe.
I'll get into it more later. Right now, I'm getting over a bad cold and I need to take a nap.
I miss Mexican restaurants.
And I hope mom is recovering okay from surgery.
It's been awhile.
That's how you know I really have a job.
I work at a call center for ACC - New Zealand's nationwide health insurance - unique only to NZ
In other words, I work for the government.
I have a headset, two computer screens, a corner of a make-shift cubicle decorated with as much fabric, art, and quotes that I can fit on two small square bulletin boards. Hmm. I try.
I'm surviving. It's not half bad. It 'ain't have good neither', but it'll do. Hehe.
I'll get into it more later. Right now, I'm getting over a bad cold and I need to take a nap.
I miss Mexican restaurants.
And I hope mom is recovering okay from surgery.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Late-Breaking News
This just in...
...Cara gets a job.
:)
On to the next prayer request:
To have a car, or not to have a car. That is the question.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
What can I say?
SO...
How do I follow a post like that?
I obviously was upset. I still am, I suppose. But I keep having my many intense conversations with God and letting Him give me peace.
Okay, so I'm broke, in debt, and unsure about my future? So what?
It's not the end of the world.
Meanwhile, I'm turning out some sweet-as art...
Y'know, sweet-as-sugar. Good-as-gold. I'm gonna get into trouble using Kiwi slang when I go back home.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
A Vent to beat all Vents
New Zealand temp agencies are the most unprofessional and unreliable wastes of time in the history of my experience! I have never seen such lack of care or responsibility in all of my cognitive life.
A word to the masses...
If you plan to do a working holiday in New Zealand, save up all the money you will need for the whole time you're here. That way you don't have to be bothered in dealing with any sort of job here. It'd be a real stress-saver.
Meanwhile, Tiana's lovely job that she's been working for over a week, and her temp agency, so kindly told her that they can't pay her this week because they didn't collect her bank details in time (an no one asked her for them in all this time), and she finally inquired about it before this Thursdays pay date, only to find that it's too late. Now we can't pay rent or buy groceries this week. And there's no credit card to the rescue because we're both almost on $0 and can't even pay our bills.
There comes a breaking point when enough is enough.
And I've just reached it.
I can't wait to go home.
A word to the masses...
If you plan to do a working holiday in New Zealand, save up all the money you will need for the whole time you're here. That way you don't have to be bothered in dealing with any sort of job here. It'd be a real stress-saver.
Meanwhile, Tiana's lovely job that she's been working for over a week, and her temp agency, so kindly told her that they can't pay her this week because they didn't collect her bank details in time (an no one asked her for them in all this time), and she finally inquired about it before this Thursdays pay date, only to find that it's too late. Now we can't pay rent or buy groceries this week. And there's no credit card to the rescue because we're both almost on $0 and can't even pay our bills.
There comes a breaking point when enough is enough.
And I've just reached it.
I can't wait to go home.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Title: I can't think of one. Ha!
Since the last entry was rather morose, I decided I'd begin this blog with three random
things I enjoy.
1) Eating Dal (exotically flavored lentils) and Indian curry rice is one of my favorite things
ever. Today.
2) Cheese and crackers is very important in my life. Camembert, Brie, Edam, etc. All good. All yum.
3) Eating a salad with leaf lettuce, capsicum (green or red bell pepper), ripe, sliced avocado, onion, and cubed feta cheese all topped with a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar is absolutely lovely. Sometimes if I used marinated feta cheese, I don't need any dressing. My, how my tastes have changed. Three months ago I hated most salads (except for those at Aladdin's Eatery). Thanks to a Canadian, an American, and a Kiwi (all living in New Zealand), I now love salads with these toppings together, and even some others. I eat a salad regularly now. Like, a few times a week. Ha! Crazy World!
Being constantly broke has meant that I eat healthier. In New Zealand, fresh fruits and
fresh veggies are a lot cheaper than America. Go figure.
Parachute Music Festival was AMAZING! We got to see some great NZ bands (Lieutenant Funk, Radiator, Spacifix, Calling Elijah) and American bands (Switchfoot, Jonezetta, Red). Fun times! We even walked through a WorldVision tent that documented the true stories of three young children living in Africa in poverty and the threat of A.I.D.S. Each person going through the tent gets a mp3 audio story of one of the kids and follows their lives and whether or not they get A.I.D.S. and how they were helped. Very powerful and very eye opening.
things I enjoy.
1) Eating Dal (exotically flavored lentils) and Indian curry rice is one of my favorite things
ever. Today.
2) Cheese and crackers is very important in my life. Camembert, Brie, Edam, etc. All good. All yum.
3) Eating a salad with leaf lettuce, capsicum (green or red bell pepper), ripe, sliced avocado, onion, and cubed feta cheese all topped with a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar is absolutely lovely. Sometimes if I used marinated feta cheese, I don't need any dressing. My, how my tastes have changed. Three months ago I hated most salads (except for those at Aladdin's Eatery). Thanks to a Canadian, an American, and a Kiwi (all living in New Zealand), I now love salads with these toppings together, and even some others. I eat a salad regularly now. Like, a few times a week. Ha! Crazy World!
Being constantly broke has meant that I eat healthier. In New Zealand, fresh fruits and
fresh veggies are a lot cheaper than America. Go figure.
Parachute Music Festival was AMAZING! We got to see some great NZ bands (Lieutenant Funk, Radiator, Spacifix, Calling Elijah) and American bands (Switchfoot, Jonezetta, Red). Fun times! We even walked through a WorldVision tent that documented the true stories of three young children living in Africa in poverty and the threat of A.I.D.S. Each person going through the tent gets a mp3 audio story of one of the kids and follows their lives and whether or not they get A.I.D.S. and how they were helped. Very powerful and very eye opening.
Lieutenant Funk
Radiator
Red
Jonezetta
Calling Elijah
Our pastor took us with his family on a Saturday Evening. The festival was four days long. We couldn't afford to go even though we had been looking forward to it for months, and then out of the blue, Campbell said he was taking us with his family. There was massive amounts of excitement going on in our flat! We had already circled the bands we wanted to see on Saturday, way back in November, so we were already set. We couldn't see Rapture Ruckus (I'm sad), or our friends in the Holy Rollers, but we've seen them a lot so we're good. Maybe we can catch Rapture Ruckus before we leave. Who knows.
Tiana and Campbell's family looking down at Parachute
Life FM - Live from Parachute. I think Jase was in there.
They said no crowd surfing, but they instituted this little contest...
In other news...
We had a close call last week. A serious decision. We almost had to make the decision to leave Hamilton cause we're running low on cash, and we weren't hearing from temp agencies, We had no clear direction from God about if we should move to the South Island and work on a fruit farm to save up money to go home or try to wait it out in Hamilton, hoping for a temp agency to call. Either way, God is good.
And he apparently wants us to stay in Hamilton.
Tiana got a job. At a call center through a temp agency that should last the rest of our time here.
Amazing.
Prayer and more prayer.
I suppose I'm growing.
Hmm...
I still need a job.
I called one of the agencies, today, just to check up on things and I was sternly and promptly brushed off. I was told by...um... let's call her 'Natalie', that, yes, she had received my CV (I didn't ask) and it was on file blah blah blah, but that there are just other people that are way more important to deal with and take priority over anyone new blah blah blah, and that she's busy blah blah blah so basically, stop calling and asking for an interview and maybe she'll get back to me if she has the time or care. The ol' "don't call us, we'll call you" speech in a rather rude and unprofessional delivery.
Typical.
I could have easily lost it on the phone. My temper is a struggle everyday, but I remained professional and calm. And wondered why they advertise that they have tons of temp jobs available and need new people everyday, and yet it took me 4 weeks to actually get a hold of 'Natalie" who deals with the temp work and realized that she was well aware of who I was and just really could care less about me.
I sent 3 separate emails with my CV (Resume) because I didn't hear back from 'Natalie' after the first and was told from my sister who got a prompt interview with her, that she didn't receive it, so I tried again. Still no word, so I tried from another email address and gave specific instructions to be emailed back when the email was received. I got a prompt answer back and was told I would get a phone call in a couple of days. One week later I call, and leave a message with a secretary for 'Natalie' to call me back. That was about 5 days ago. I call again today and am finally put through, only to be mildly insulted.
Ha. Well. Humans are humans all over the world. What can I do?
Temp agencies in New Zealand. I highly recommend. Really. If you have all the time in the world, perhaps they'll get back to you...
...in a few months
....or years.
And if you're an artist...well...
Don't hold your breath.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
A Storm's A Brewin'
I know I should be worried, but right now I'm just not. I can't explain it. I feel like the disciples on the boat with Jesus, and while he was asleep, a great storm came and the disciples feared for their very lives.
There is a storm going on all around me. No money. No Job. No direction. And some days I freak out like the disciples and cry out to God: "Master! Master! I'm going to drown!", hanging on for dear life. And other days, like today, I'm just kinda here. I don't feel peaceful. But I know that it's out of my control. I can't force people to hire me. I can't force money to fall into my lap. I can't force anything. God knows what's going on. He is not asleep. He knows.
"Where is your faith?"
Luke 8:25a
There is a storm going on all around me. No money. No Job. No direction. And some days I freak out like the disciples and cry out to God: "Master! Master! I'm going to drown!", hanging on for dear life. And other days, like today, I'm just kinda here. I don't feel peaceful. But I know that it's out of my control. I can't force people to hire me. I can't force money to fall into my lap. I can't force anything. God knows what's going on. He is not asleep. He knows.
"Where is your faith?"
Luke 8:25a
Monday, January 14, 2008
30 things I miss about home
Tiana and I were sitting on the couch discussing things that we missed about home, so I decided to write them down.
1)Aladdins Eatery- I could really go for a chicken chili with feta and Cheddar, chicken mishwi salad, or kafta plate
2)Chipotle (or Mexican food in General)- Chicken burrito, umm umm good, or any number of other Mexican foods that I miss so much
3)Teresa's Pizza, Rascal House, Papa Johns (or any pizza place) - Buffalo wings, Large and X-Large pizzas (that are actually large) with tons of cheese and toppings and cheezy bread
4)Fridays & Applebees - good food at a lower prices, great atmosphere, i miss i miss!
5)Olive Garden, Macaroni Grill - Calamari, the real kind and yummy Italian food!
6)Coldstone Creamery - because it's just genius. Ice cream hand mixed with cake and brownie and other goodness. You can't lose.
7)Egg Nog-There's none to be found here
8)Hunan East, Lee Wah's, and even Amazing Wok Chinese Food - cause Chinese food in NZ is just gross.
9)Bombay Sitar - the best Indian food that I've ever had
10)Grums- The best subs. Ever. Jimmy Johns is pretty good too.
11)Wings and fried chicken places. KFC, Popeyes, Mr. Chicken, BW3's, Whitmores... Nuff Said.
12)Birthday Cakes. Cream cheese icing or normal butter cream icing. Yum...NOT Sponge cake like here in NZ! Yuck!
13)Yellow Cheddar cheese, and monteray jack, colby, peper jack, etc cheeses that don't exist here.
14)A & W cream soda and root beer, for floats and overall goodness.
15) Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and Clearly Canadian flavored water.
16)Ice Cream sandwiches
17)Starbucks on every corner, seriously
18)Bookstores- Barnes and Noble, Borders, with a cafe inside
19)Movie Theaters and $1 movies - I never knew how good we had it until I paid $15nzd here.
20)I miss my DVD player and Record exchange discount movies, and Region 1 films
21)Libraries where you can rent movies and books and music for FREE
22)Apartments that automatically come with refrigerators and washing and drying machines/facilities, and heaters
23)Current seasons of TV shows- I sick of being 6 months behind America, not that I watched much TV at home
24)Unlimited Broadband
25)Free Mobile to Mobile calling and free nights and weekends--oh, and being able to use my cell phone
26)Driving on the right side of the road, and the wheel being on the left side of the car
27)My art pieces and my easel
28)My Nintendo 64
29)My Keyboard
30)My Bed- so soft and comfortable
So yeah. There's a lot I miss about home. There's tons more I can add. However, when I go home, they'll be a lot I'll miss about New Zealand too. Go figure.
1)Aladdins Eatery- I could really go for a chicken chili with feta and Cheddar, chicken mishwi salad, or kafta plate
2)Chipotle (or Mexican food in General)- Chicken burrito, umm umm good, or any number of other Mexican foods that I miss so much
3)Teresa's Pizza, Rascal House, Papa Johns (or any pizza place) - Buffalo wings, Large and X-Large pizzas (that are actually large) with tons of cheese and toppings and cheezy bread
4)Fridays & Applebees - good food at a lower prices, great atmosphere, i miss i miss!
5)Olive Garden, Macaroni Grill - Calamari, the real kind and yummy Italian food!
6)Coldstone Creamery - because it's just genius. Ice cream hand mixed with cake and brownie and other goodness. You can't lose.
7)Egg Nog-There's none to be found here
8)Hunan East, Lee Wah's, and even Amazing Wok Chinese Food - cause Chinese food in NZ is just gross.
9)Bombay Sitar - the best Indian food that I've ever had
10)Grums- The best subs. Ever. Jimmy Johns is pretty good too.
11)Wings and fried chicken places. KFC, Popeyes, Mr. Chicken, BW3's, Whitmores... Nuff Said.
12)Birthday Cakes. Cream cheese icing or normal butter cream icing. Yum...NOT Sponge cake like here in NZ! Yuck!
13)Yellow Cheddar cheese, and monteray jack, colby, peper jack, etc cheeses that don't exist here.
14)A & W cream soda and root beer, for floats and overall goodness.
15) Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and Clearly Canadian flavored water.
16)Ice Cream sandwiches
17)Starbucks on every corner, seriously
18)Bookstores- Barnes and Noble, Borders, with a cafe inside
19)Movie Theaters and $1 movies - I never knew how good we had it until I paid $15nzd here.
20)I miss my DVD player and Record exchange discount movies, and Region 1 films
21)Libraries where you can rent movies and books and music for FREE
22)Apartments that automatically come with refrigerators and washing and drying machines/facilities, and heaters
23)Current seasons of TV shows- I sick of being 6 months behind America, not that I watched much TV at home
24)Unlimited Broadband
25)Free Mobile to Mobile calling and free nights and weekends--oh, and being able to use my cell phone
26)Driving on the right side of the road, and the wheel being on the left side of the car
27)My art pieces and my easel
28)My Nintendo 64
29)My Keyboard
30)My Bed- so soft and comfortable
So yeah. There's a lot I miss about home. There's tons more I can add. However, when I go home, they'll be a lot I'll miss about New Zealand too. Go figure.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finished working at The Warehouse yesterday. I am extremely happy. I, well...um...hated it. Completely. There is nothing that I can think of that I will miss...except, perhaps, the paycheck, though since I only worked Saturdays and some Wednesdays, there isn't much of a paycheck to miss.
I don't get it. People were annoyed when I said that I didn't like my job, but they're the ones who asked me how I liked it. What was I supposed to do, lie? I was thankful for having a job, but c'mon! As if I was supposed to LOVE standing on my feet for 9 hours with one half hour lunch, and 2 unevenly spaced and sometimes forgotten 15 minute breaks! As if I'm supposed to love the monotonous job of scanning item after item and dealing with crabby customer after crabby customer and the questions of "Where are you from?," "Do you like America or New Zealand better?", and, "Are you staying forever?" about every 5 mins, which, I must say, after being here for 8 months, gets kinda old. And my "supervisors" who, if I so much as breathed an extra breath, tell me to "get back to work" or "look busy" no matter if the customer I was serving just left .000000001 seconds ago, or if I'm trying to help a lost child get to someone with an intercom..a.k.a. one of the supervisors. Ha!
People try to tell me that my job isn't that bad. Well, it ain't that good either. It just means that the person who's telling me this has a higher enjoyment for this kind of work. Or that working at the Warehouse is 1mm up from worse work. Or it probably also means that they're not working the job that I am so it's all talk. Hmm...
I've come to realize that I don't like working in retail. It's not particular stores, or stores in a particular country, it's just the retail. In fact, I don't like retail or office jobs. I like art. I want to do art. Is that so hard to understand? My mind isn't mentally stimulated in retail work, and most office work is incredibly dull to me. I'm an artist!! Too much time spent on the left side of the brain could easily kill me! But I figure, in choosing between finding another retail job, and doing temp work in an office--they're both horrible, but temp work tends to pay more. So temping, here I go.
I'm broke. Under $100 left on my credit card, barely any money in the bank, and bill after bill due. I'm up a creek. Whatever that means. Anyway...prayer please.
But God is still good.
I don't get it. People were annoyed when I said that I didn't like my job, but they're the ones who asked me how I liked it. What was I supposed to do, lie? I was thankful for having a job, but c'mon! As if I was supposed to LOVE standing on my feet for 9 hours with one half hour lunch, and 2 unevenly spaced and sometimes forgotten 15 minute breaks! As if I'm supposed to love the monotonous job of scanning item after item and dealing with crabby customer after crabby customer and the questions of "Where are you from?," "Do you like America or New Zealand better?", and, "Are you staying forever?" about every 5 mins, which, I must say, after being here for 8 months, gets kinda old. And my "supervisors" who, if I so much as breathed an extra breath, tell me to "get back to work" or "look busy" no matter if the customer I was serving just left .000000001 seconds ago, or if I'm trying to help a lost child get to someone with an intercom..a.k.a. one of the supervisors. Ha!
People try to tell me that my job isn't that bad. Well, it ain't that good either. It just means that the person who's telling me this has a higher enjoyment for this kind of work. Or that working at the Warehouse is 1mm up from worse work. Or it probably also means that they're not working the job that I am so it's all talk. Hmm...
I've come to realize that I don't like working in retail. It's not particular stores, or stores in a particular country, it's just the retail. In fact, I don't like retail or office jobs. I like art. I want to do art. Is that so hard to understand? My mind isn't mentally stimulated in retail work, and most office work is incredibly dull to me. I'm an artist!! Too much time spent on the left side of the brain could easily kill me! But I figure, in choosing between finding another retail job, and doing temp work in an office--they're both horrible, but temp work tends to pay more. So temping, here I go.
I'm broke. Under $100 left on my credit card, barely any money in the bank, and bill after bill due. I'm up a creek. Whatever that means. Anyway...prayer please.
But God is still good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)